I can just picture myself standing in front of the audience at some kind of 12 step program meeting, if I actually chose to seek help for my excessive nerdiness (ha, that will never happen). But I have fun with hypothetical situations, so here it goes:
My name is Leah McLaughlin, and I fall hopelessly in love with characters in books. Yes, you read that right. I develop crushes on imaginary people. And no, these are not necessarily books that have been adapted into movies, although having the the image of some (preferably) handsome actor to go along with the character in question can certainly help!
One of the features of the excessive nerdiness mentioned above is that I have a great imagination. Almost too great, in fact. But most of the time, it comes in handy. Especially when trying to draw an image in my mind of someone who I will never meet and who may or may not be brought to life on screen.
So yes, I have book boyfriends, even though I am happily married. And don’t worry, my football boyfriend and my actor boyfriend are pretty understanding. Oh yeah, my husband is pretty understanding too…I lucked out in that department.
Now, Stephen King has a long list of male characters. Not all of them are ones who I would want to date (Roland Deschain just has no sense of humor), much less even meet (ugh, Norman Daniels, anyone?) Let’s face, a lot of King characters tend to be assholes…and that is fine, it makes some of them extremely memorable (Jim Rennie, for instance).
However, King also shows the good side of humanity. He makes one believe in people again (sometimes). His characters often go above and beyond the call of duty, often making enormous sacrifices for the greater good. This includes both male and female characters. But some of the men depicted are of particularly noble character. Again, they make one believe in people. And if that is not a quality worthy in a would be suitor, then I don’t know what is.
So, here are my top 7 Stephen King book boyfriends:
7) Ralph Roberts (Insomnia)
Yes, Ralph Roberts is old. And old is not supposed to be sexy…or is it?
While Ralph Roberts may be old, that doesn’t mean he is not book boyfriend material! Come on, the man risked him life to save the life of Patrick Danville, a little boy who will turn out to be very important to a certain gunslinger. Oh, and did I mention he saved the lives 200+ other people as well, from a madman who intended on crashing a plane into a large convention? And Ralph also faced down the Crimson King (arguably the ultimate bad guy in the King universe) and lived to tell the tale. On a smaller scale, he had the courage to actually not be a bystander during a so-called domestic dispute, and intervened and possibly saved his neighbor’s life. And Ralph confronted the abuser, reminding the abuser (and his victim) just who was the real victim. And all this was done by a man in his 70’s. Men half of his age would have ran from such a calling, but Ralph took to the task admirably and never backed down.
Ralph is compared to Sir Lancelot several times in the book. In other words, people see him as noble and brave. Ralph’s final act of sacrifice was textbook proof of bravery and nobility, as he sacrificed his own life so that the life of a child would be spared. And nobility and bravery are very sexy attributes in a Stephen King book boyfriend.
6) Henry Leyden (Black House)
The inclusion of Henry Leyden as a Stephen King book boyfriend is so obvious. So obvious, in fact, THAT A BLIND MAN COULD SEE IT!
Henry Leyden, aka The Wisconsin Rat, aka Symphonic Stan, aka (and this one was my personal favorite) George Rathbun, is indeed a blind man. However, he often sees more than many with 20-20 vision, as his senses (other than his sight) are extremely acute. He is also a sort of mentor to Jack Sawyer, as he convinces Jack Sawyer to use his detective skills to help solve a series of gruesome child murders in French Landing, WI. Henry also uses his acute sense of hearing to help identify the murderer, and ultimately pays for it with his life. Anyone who would give his life for the protection of the citizens should be classified a hero. And heroic acts are also swoon worthy acts, in my book.
Henry Leyden also continues his heroics from beyond the grave, as he aids in the rescue of Tyler Marshall after his death. The willingness to protect others, even after death, is an attribute every book boyfriend (and real life boyfriend, for that matter) should possess. Hence the inclusion of Henry Leyden on this list.
5) Jake Epping (11/22/63)
There is just something sexy about English teachers. Maybe its because they are smart. Maybe its because they are (mostly) well read. Or maybe I am just really, really nerdy…
Jake Epping is an English teacher. He also knows how to dance (*swoon*). Oh, and did I mention he is willing to risk his life to save the life of John F. Kennedy? Jake travels back in time in 11/22/63 and is pretty single minded in his determination. He even learns how to fire a gun. Not only that, he is man who cares deeply about the lives of his students, among others, and attempts to better the lives of those around him, which ends up costing him (and others) dearly, as the past clearly does not want to be changed. But any man who is determined, and caring to boot, is definitely boyfriend worthy.
Jake also meets a woman and falls in love with her. Jake teaches Sadie that sex is actually a good thing and not something to be feared. He also proves to her that some men can be brave, as he saves her life when her deranged ex husband attempts to kill her. However, Sadie’s life is sacrificed when Jake does manage to save the life of John F. Kennedy. Jake is able to erase the alternate timeline, but decides it would be selfish to travel back in time again, and does not attempt to reunite with Sadie. He encounters Sadie as an old woman in 2011, and still sees her as beautiful. And any man who can see inner beauty even after the physical body ages is worthy of inclusion on this list.
4) Richie Tozier (It)
Let’s face it, I am a sucker for a guy with a sense of humor. And luckily, I am married to one of those guys. In fact, our senses of humor tend to feed off of each other, and we are lucky enough to have simultaneous sarcasms sometimes! I know, probably a bit more than you wanted to know, but a sense of humor is really sexy!
Many of King’s characters have a sense of humor. And I think King himself also has a wicked sense of humor. And this sense of humor comes through in a character like Richie Tozier. Richier Tozier is on of the Losers in It. Richie is not someone who should be pegged as a “Loser” but his mouth (along with his coke bottle thick glasses) make him a prime target for bullies. Richie is nicknamed Trashmouth as a child, and lives up to the nickname admirably. He bands together with the other misfits in his school, and he and his friends try to stop the child murdering monster known as Pennywise the Clown that has inhabited their hometown of Derry, Maine, for centuries. Richie is the jester of the group, and his antics make the summer a little more bearable for the children as they battle the monster. Richie’s sense of humor and antics even come in handy against Pennywise himself, providing a distraction to the monster so that they children are able to escape. Richie reprises his role as an adult, and his sense of humor is able to bind the adults together again so that they can face the monster a second time, and successfully defeat it.
Richie not only has a sense of humor, but is also incredibly courageous. He stands with Bill Denbrough against the werewolf the two encounter, and also helps Bill confront what Bill believes to be the ghost of his dead brother (who was actually a victim of Pennywise). When they are adults, Pennywise captures Bill Denbrough’s soul in the final showdown, but Richie is able to rescue Bill, allowing the Losers to kill the monster. In other words, Richie is really brave and with a sense of humor to boot…what’s not to love about that combination? Its a combination that earns a spot on this list.
3) Jack Sawyer (Black House)
This may sound strange, but adult
Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe is hot, and it feels weird to say that! I still seem him in my mind as a twelve year old kid battling magical creatures with other twelve year old kids, so I feel kind of perverted when I swoon over him, even though he is in his twenties now (which is perfectly legal but whose keeping track anyway?)
And I feel the same way about including Jack Sawyer on this list. Part of me will always picture him as a twelve year old kid battling magical creatures, even though he is around 35 in Black House. And I will continue to think fondly of him as “Jacky.” But Jacky, like Harry Potter, grew up. And
Jacky Jack grew up to be a fine, upstanding citizen. And handsome, to boot! But Jack never completely loses his childhood, and is able to travel back to the magical world he calls The Territories to help save the town of French Landing, WI from a serial killer who is targeting children. Jack is another King character who is similar to the knights of yore, as he is selfless and constantly thinking of others (he even reads to a blind man in his spare time). Even though Jack is a “retired” police officer, he teams with the local police force to help catch the killer. He puts his life on the line for the good of the children. And Jack pays the ultimate price for his police work, as he pays with his life at the end of the book. Even though Jack appears to have been resurrected in The Territories, he is still a noble, self sacrificing hero, much like Ralph Roberts. Hence his inclusion on this list.
As I have said before, I am a sucker for a sense of humor. And I like guys that can protect me. I am sure Roland Deschain would do a pretty good job of protecting me from pretty anything I could think of, but we all know he is lacking in the humor department. So I would probably get pretty bored with him. Or end up driving him crazy…it just wouldn’t work out!
But not so for Roland’s partner in crime, Eddie Dean. Eddie Dean has a sense of humor. And he is as tough as nails. How many people can fight off mobsters when they are buck naked and just found out that their brother died of a heroin overdose? Very few people are that tough. And he kicked a heroin habit to boot. So that’s someone I could show weakness around, and not feel judged in the slightest. And being able to be vulnerable around someone and not feel judged for your weaknesses is just plain sexy, I have no other way to put it.
It is also stated throughout the series that Eddie likes to be needed. While I consider myself to be a strong independent woman, I also love when I can count on a guy, whether I need the pickle jar removed, or just someone to cry with over a bad day. Dependability is perhaps the sexiest quality in a partner, and is certainly worth the spot on this list.
And now for my top Stephen King book boyfriend…
Yes, my number 1 boyfriend in a Stephen King Book is Nick Andros. Yes, he is a deaf mute…trust me, I have my reasons for wanting to hop into bed with him!
Now that the number 1 choice has sunk in, let’s discuss the reasoning behind it. And the reasoning behind is pretty sound (no pun intended).
First of all, I think being smart is a sexy quality. And Nick Andros has plenty of smarts. He was orphaned and basically left with nothing as a young child. As stated before, he is also deaf and unable to speak. This is a handicap now, but Nick was a child in the days before computer software, tablets or even decent special education classes. In other words, kids like Nick were never given a chance. However, Nick overcame all the odds and learned how to read and write. Writing then became his main form of communication, as ASL was not mainstream at the time. Nick did have a good teacher, but only someone with a lot of equipment upstairs would be able to manage to learn how to read and write, when that person has been living in a veil of silence and cut off from the rest of their world for his entire life. Mmmm, brains…as the zombies would say.
Nick is also resourceful. Being resourceful is always a good thing, but when the world gets ravaged by the super flu, being resourceful is very important. Nick is able to keep his group of survivors alive as they travel to the Boulder Free Zone. This is no small feat, as the band of survivors includes Tom Cullen, a mildly mentally handicapped man who has a propensity to get into trouble. But the leader comes out in Nick, and the man without a literal voice still manages to make himself heard…sexy!
But my favorite thing about Nick is his compassion and his willingness to sacrifice for the greater good. His compassion is evident when he meets Tom Cullen. Tom Cullen is mildly mentally handicapped, and can also be a bit of a handful. However, Nick takes him underneath his wing, and possibly ends up saving his life, as Tom was a target for bullies and acts of cruelty. The two have one of the most enduring friendships in literature. And Nick is another self-sacrificing Stephen King hero. He is able to find the bomb that was planted by Harold and Nadine, and manages to save the lives of most who attended the ill fated meeting. However, Nick, like so many others in the King universe, pays the ultimate price with his life. His act of bravery is one that helps ensure the safety of the remaining Free Zone members and his death will never be forgotten by his friends. But Nick’s compassion is something that continues to live beyond the grave. His ghost appears to Tom Cullen, and aides Tom in rescuing Stu Redman, so that Stu can return to Fran and be a father to their children. Not only is compassion a trait that can live on for a long time, it is and extremely sexy quality that Nick Andros possesses in spades!
Obviously, sexy is in the eye of the beholder. And there are so many qualities that can make a man sexy and its hard to zero in on any particular quality. But Nick Andros is as complete a package as you will find: smart, charismatic and compassionate. What can I say, I like them well rounded. And well rounded, complete packages are deserving of the number 1 spot on this list.
Valentine’s Day is coming up. You know what that means…its time to grab one of these books on this list, and snuggle by the fire with one of my Stephen King book boyfriends. Don’t worry, we are in an open relationships, and I I enjoy sharing what I love. So, you’re welcome, and enjoy!