They can’t fucking leave well enough alone, can they?

Oh, fucking joy.

So fucking glad to know to you know you guys are still proliferating.

I was getting pretty fucking worried there for a minute.  I actually thought you fuckers may be going extinct…*gasp.*

Well, I was fucking wrong.  Unlike the dodo bird, you fuckers are alive and well…oh, how I fucking rejoice!

dodo

Just when we thought the internet trolls were on the verge of disappearance, we have been proved fucking wrong!

The trolls are back, and boy are they fucking busy!

troll 1

And in fucking rare form this time!

Fuck yeah, now the trolls are attacking 13 year old girls!

mone-davis-1024

Why the fuck should you attack people of nearly legal age, when there are 13 year old girls just ripe for the picking?

Yeah, this chic is a fucking bad ass.  And she’s fucking black.  Because, you know…she’s fucking black!  Obviously, that means she has no fucking feelings, and is also fucking code for really being fucking 30 years old, instead of fucking 13!

I mean, after all, a fucking 13 year old black girl who has accomplished so much in her fucking (so far) short life is a real fucking threat!  A fucking 70 mph fastball, at age 13?  Oh, no…a fucking young woman of color who is on her way to doing fucking great things with her life!  Obviously, the only way to neutralize her is to attack her sexuality!  She has to fucking learn, right?  You are just fucking setting her up for the harsh realities, right?  Attacking women (of color or otherwise) is perfectly fucking acceptable!

After all, attacking women by using their sexuality against them is not fucking new!  And its not like women are subject to more fucking harassment throughout their lives that men will (probably) be ever subjected to.  No fucking double standards, no fucking double standards at all!

Oh, and you had your position on the baseball team taken away by the college you attend…what the fuck?  What were they thinking?  Who doesn’t want a troll to represent them?

Fat-Green-Troll

Luckily for you, Ms. Davis is a pretty classy young lady (here is the definition of classy, since I just want to make sure that you have it on hand, for future Twitter trolling purposes).  She actually wants your college to give you back your position on the baseball team, and she has offered you full fucking forgiveness!

After all, someone has to show some class here, and why not the fucking victim?  Its not like she probably won’t spend the rest of her life dealing with this kind of harassment, simply due to her color and gender! No way will she have to work at least three times as hard as you to fucking prove herself, even though she shouldn’t have to!  As the fucking song goes, she has been “sentenced to a life of ease”, being a woman, and a woman of color on top of that!

So good job, trolls!  You have fucking triumphed again!  You fucking insulted an awesome, accomplished young woman, and are probably going to come out smelling like fucking roses!  You will be surviving to continue to fucking do what you do best:  harass the fuck out of defenseless people, and put them on the fucking defensive as well!

smelling like roses

I know I will fucking sleep better at night, with the knowledge that you guys will survive yet another fucking day!

internet-troll 3

 

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Man Crush Monday for 3/23/15

 

Oh, Monday.  What a killjoy you are.  Almost as much as killjoy as rocks in my shoes after a trip to the beach.  Or the strawberry and vanilla parts in Neopolitan ice cream.  Or a roommate walking in and interrupting your hookup…sigh.

Man Crush Monday 1

But at least we have Man Crush Monday!  Man Crush Monday is kind of like Paris…we will always have it!

Casablanca

 

I am a sucker for knights in shining armor.  They make me melt, for some reason.  I may be a self-proclaimed feminist, but I still love the idea of a hero who is willing to risk everything for what matters to him.  The best of the good guys, in my book.

white-knight

 

Stephen King has the ability to write some really awesome bad guys (Eldred Jonas, Jim Rennie, etc).  But King also has the ability to write some memorable good guys.  And we are talking about good guys, not anti heroes who still do good (sorry, Roland!)

So meet the subject of this week’s Man Crush Monday:  Ralph Roberts from Insomnia!

Insomnia 1

Ralph Roberts is the consummate knight in shining armor.  When I was growing up, my grandfather was my knight in shining armor.  It seemed he always knew what to do and what to say, even when things were difficult.  And he was willing to do anything for his family.  I know that he made sacrifices for my mom, my uncle and grandmother back in the day so that they all could have happy, healthy lives.  He also fought in World War II and risked his life for his country, even though it may have meant that he would either return in a body bag or return with severe injuries (thankfully, he returned healthy…otherwise, you might not be reading this blog!)  In other words, in the words of a certain famous singer, he walked on water.

lotr_hobbits1

Ralph Roberts also walked on water.  To me, this guy could never do any wrong.  He was not a willing participant, at least at first, in the quest set up for him by whatever forces control our universe.  Like Frodo, Sam, Bilbo and the other hobbits, he just wanted to stay home and live out the last of his days in peace (when you are 68 years old, you have earned that right).  But fate had other plans for him.  And Ralph stepped up, and he did it admirably.  He saved the life of a certain young man who would later go to play his part in the quest of a well known anti hero.  He also saved the lives of a few hundred people from a madman while he was at it.  And rubbed elbows with Connie Chung, too.

Insomnia 4

However, these accomplishments came at a major cost.  Ralph held up his end of the bargain, but also forced The Fates (Clotho and Lachesis) to uphold their end of the bargain.  Ralph was unwilling to work with the Fates until they promised him that the life of the daughter of his young neighbor would also be saved.  And this required Ralph to sacrifice himself when the time came.  And Ralph does exactly that.  In other words, the best of the good guys.  My grandfather would have admired him, in fact.

So without further ado, here is Ralph Roberts!


Name;  Ralph Roberts

Profession:  Retired, but was a traveling salesman.  His persuasion abilities come in handy when he really wants something, like to trade his life for the life of a child.

Relationship status:  Widowed from Caroline.  He later falls in love with and marries Lois Chasse, but Caroline’s voice is still a major influence, often guiding him through difficult decisions.

So it’s only a little bit complicated…

Known associates:  Obviously, Caroline Roberts, and later Lois Chasse.  He values the opinions of everyone, especially women.

Dorrance Marstellar.  Old Dor was almost a major influence on his quest as the voice of his deceased wife Caroline.  Short Timers can be a little dense, and Old Dor tries to be as understanding as possible when offering his somewhat cryptic guidance.

Helen Deepeneau.  Ralph rescued her from her abusive husband, and went up against the asshole when no one else would.  Later, he sacrificed himself so that the life of her daughter may be spared.  His actions against Ed Deepenau even earned him accolades from feminist groups…talk about a true knight!

Enemies:  The Knights of the Round Table had them, and Ralph Roberts definitely has them.  It comes with the the territory when you are a bad ass.

Crimson King.  Not a good enemy to have, especially when this enemy is (likely) immortal, all powerful and brags about his eons long influence in your hometown of Derry, Maine.

Ed Deepenau.  When you have no destiny, you are almost as formidable as the Crimson King (see above).  And when a certain dirty, bald doctor cuts your “balloon string” (essentially, your spiritual lifeline) off, then watch out!  This does not make you happy when your elderly neighbor interferes with your plans, whether those plans are to beat your wife senseless, or to blow up a civic center that is holding a pro choice rally (well placed irony is always the best).


So there you have it, ladies…Ralph Roberts!  One of the last of the true knights…he has even been compared to the famous Sir Lancelot!  Ralph Roberts is definitely a keeper…I can understand why someone may lose sleep over him!

Insomnia 3

So enjoy this week’s Man Crush Monday, and tune in next week to swoon over more literary characters that you wish were real!

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A Taste of What May Come…

As we all know, I love Stephen King (duh).  And I love The Dark Tower series (duh, again).  I consider it to the greatest fantasy series ever written.  I am on my fourth re-read of the series.  There are very few books or movies that I can return to so many times, and learn something new each time.

dark tower

So naturally, I want a Dark Tower movie.  I want a Dark Tower movie really, really badly, in fact.

Sometimes, wanting a movie version of your favorite book is akin to taking back your ex.  You know he’s bad for you.  He makes promises and then he breaks them.  And he changes things in your life that WERE JUST FINE BEFORE HE MEDDLED, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  But yet you are still hopeful that it will work out, as you try to convince yourself that the decision is a good one, after all.

book vs movie 1

So yes, I am conflicted.  I may say I want a Dark Tower movie, but sometimes I feel the idea is almost as bad as taking back my ex (that will never, ever happen, for all curious parties.  Not no way, not no how, just in case you were wondering).  Do I really want to see my favorite set of books of all time, possibly chopped to pieces and butchered like a pig in a slaughterhouse?

Well, yes.  The pull is that strong.  Almost as strong as the Tower’s hold over Roland Deschain, you might say.

Earlier this week, I was sent a clip, titled Susannah’s Lesson, via the magic of Facebook and all the Stephen King/Dark Tower related pages that have become my Achilles heel in recent months, of a pivotal scene from the third book in the Dark Tower series, The Wastelands.  The clip is a mini movie directed by Shahab Zagari, and stars Sarah Gabriella as Susannah Dean, and Jacob Gallegos as Roland Deschain.

Roland and Susannah

And when I saw this clip, even though it was short, my fears in regards to an adaptation were laid to rest, at least briefly.  This clip managed to capture the essence of the scene in the book, which has always been a favorite of mine, in a convincing fashion, even though this mini movie was independently produced and directed.  And if an entire movie (or set of movies, which is more likely) were to be filmed in this fashion…oh boy, I get chills down my spine just thinking about it.

To briefly summarize, the scene starts off with Roland passing down a lesson to Susannah, who is now a gunslinger in training.  Roland is able to coax what he wants out of Susannah (accurate shooting) but resorts to bringing up painful incidents from Susannah’s past to fuel the anger that she often represses.  This angers Susannah, and she and Roland exchange words.  Meanwhile, Roland is being driven crazy by a paradox, but is keeping this from Eddie and Susannah.  The movie ends with Roland and Susannah’s argument being interrupted by the trees shaking in the forest and the howls of some unseen creature (in the book, this was the attack of Mir, one of the Guardians of the Beam).

Shardik 1

One of the first things I noticed about this movie was the scenery…it was gorgeous, and very close to what I imagined in my mind when envisioning this scene.  The trees and even the rocks added an element of the familiar in what is supposed to be a surreal world.

Maturin 1

I also noticed that sound was used effectively in this movie.  There was haunting background music, which fits in very well with the vibe in the Dark Tower series, as the series has so many elements of an old fashioned western.  The noises used to represent Mir were also effective, as the bear cyborg was never pictured in the film.  Sometimes, less is more and the sound effects really emphasized that point.

But lets talk about my favorite part of this movie:  the acting and the chemistry between the two actors.  Both actors really captured the essence of Roland and Susannah.  In particular, I was struck by Gabriella’s facial expressions, as she was really able to bring the character’s inner conflict (hippie war protester by day, cold blood gunslinger by night) to the screen.  Oftentimes, books contain a lot of inner monologue that is really difficult to bring to the screen.  Gabriella was able to show the viewer the complex emotions experienced by Susannah.  Gallegos also did a great job bringing Roland to the screen, especially when Roland was coaxing accurate shooting out of Susannah.  Gallegos appeared cold and even somewhat manipulative, which is exactly what Roland is.  Its one thing to play a gunslinger in practice (i.e. Roland killing off an entire town with no second thoughts) and another to play a gunslinger in essence (Roland coaxing Susannah into cold-blooded, accurate shooting by bringing up an incident where she was jailed and treated inhumanely), and Gallegos was able to do the latter effectively.  The two actors also had chemistry, and were able to convincingly play a teacher and student, which later transitioned to one friend who was concerned for the well being of another friend.  The two were able to bring Susannah and Roland and an iconic scene in The Wastelands to life in a realistic fashion.

tull 2

As a side note, I enjoyed the opening credits, as it contained a bear instead of the lion seen in certain other films…I see what you did there, Shahab!

Much like Luke Skywalker’s introduction to the Jedi, seeing this moving brought hope.  It brought hope that maybe the concept of a Dark Tower movie would be a much better idea than me getting back together with my ex.  Maybe the promises could be kept and the meddling would be minimal.  In other words, sometimes things can work out, if they initially seem like they are against your better judgement!

the dark tower cover_0

 

Letter to Sir Reggie Wayne

Dear Reggie Wayne,

This is a letter to you.  I know you wrote one to us.  And it was lovely, although that part didn’t surprise, since you have been a class act since day 1.

But really, Sir Wayne, we need to be writing the letter to you.  The city of Indianapolis and Indianapolis Colts fans everywhere are indebted to you.

Reggie Wayne,  Charles Woodson

People talk about the Colts, and often Peyton Manning comes to mind.  And that’s understandable, as he brought the franchise to another level, with his outstanding play.  He even brought Indianapolis its first (and only) Super Bowl ring.

Or perhaps they think of Andrew Luck.  You know, that young quarterback about to start his fourth year in the NFL.  For some reason, people think he’s pretty good.  Some think that even more rings will be brought to Indianapolis with Andrew Luck under center.  And they are probably right.

Myself, I have so many Indianapolis Colts whom I love, all for different reasons.  So its hard to pick a favorite.  I try to be like how my parents say they are…I don’t pick favorites (yeah, right).

Peyton-Manning

But you, Sir Reggie Wayne, will always stand out to me.  People often say that Colts fans are spoiled, as we have gone from having excellent play from Peyton Manning to having excellent play from Andrew Luck.  Two gunslingers, in other words.

But there is one important part in those two eras that needs to be addressed.  And that part would be you.

You played among the greats, such as Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison.  And Sir Wayne, you would need to be included in that list of greats.  Many others played a vital role, but Peyton Manning could not have done it without you.  You were a favorite target in the Peyton era in Indianapolis for a reason.  You made ridiculous catches.  Oftentimes, you were airborne, or you caught that ball with one hand.  You gave us some truly spectacular plays.

Linus

And then there is the Luck era.  The Colts were not supposed to be good after almost the entire organization underwent a massive rebuild in 2012.  Almost was the key word, as you and a couple of other players from the Peyton era stayed on. No one expected much from you and your teammates that year.  Winning four games would have been an accomplishment.  But, again, the Colts proved their doubters wrong.  Part of that (well, a big part of that) was due to the spectacular play of your teammate, Andrew Luck.  But again, Andrew could not have done it without you.  Once again, you made those ridiculous catches.  Sometimes, you were airborne.  Andrew Luck needed a security blanket that first year, and you made one heck of a security blanket for him, with your spectacular play to boot.

NFL: Denver Broncos at Indianapolis Colts

You have been invaluable to the organization and to the city of Indianapolis.  You have taken young players such as TY Hilton under your wing, and helped mold them into outstanding players and outstanding citizens (although I don’t think that last part was terribly difficult).

Reggie 4

And again, your play during the time you were an Indianapolis Colt…I just can’t say enough about the spectacular plays you made!  I still get shivers down my spine when I think of that game winning drive your teammate, Andrew Luck, put together to win in the last few minutes of the game again Aaron Rodgers and his Green Bay Packers in 2012 (the fact that my husband is a Packers fan has absolutely nothing to do with my memories of this game.  Nothing at all).  That is just one of the moments that stands out to me.  And who could forget that 53 yard touchdown you caught from Peyton Manning in Super Bowl XLI, which was instrumental in bringing Indianapolis its first (and so far, only) Super Bowl Championship?

Reggie Wayne, your number was chanted for a reason.  Number 87 has become associated with excellence.  Excellence both on and off the field.  There is no other way to put it.

Sir, you may no longer be a Colt.  Perhaps you will retire.  Or maybe another team will snap you up.  Whatever the case may be, the city of Indianapolis and the Colts organization will always be the winners, as they were privileged to have not only a great football player, but also a magnificent human being in their midst for so many years.

So, from the bottom of my heart, I say thank you.  It was a privilege to not only have you as a player on my favorite football team, but also as a citizen of Indianapolis for so many years.  And I can’t thank you enough for that honor.

Sincerely,

Your grateful, humble fans.

San Diego Chargers v Indianapolis Colts

 

Love can be a killer: My review of Wizard and Glass

Who doesn’t remember the first time he/she fell in love?  While I am happily married now and would not trade that for the world, nothing can compare to my first.  I was 19 and maybe a bit of a late bloomer.  I also spent most of high school being invisible to the guys.

late_bloomer

Then came college.  I think my parents had been gone for all of 15 minutes or so when I started dating.  Or something like that.

Yes, I fell in love.  It was glorious.  My body began to behave in ways I never knew that it could.  Let’s just say I became a woman rather quickly.  And I started actually living for another human being and began to build hopes and dreams around him.  And I let someone see the side of me that was previously only for behind closed doors.  Previously, the line “I couldn’t feel, so I learned to touch” was one that applied to me.  But I started being able to feel, and boy did I touch too!

Sadly (or maybe correctly) it was not meant to be.  And the heartbreak was excruciating.  This was definitely not something advertised when I fell in love!  And even to this day, that breakup still hurts me a little bit, even though I consider myself a (mostly) happy, well adjusted adult in a great relationship.  But the lessons (and the scars) from that first experience of falling in love still remain, and will probably remain for a long, long time.

heartbreak

As I have stated in my previous entries, it turns out that Roland Deschain is actually human and has feelings…who knew?  Do cold-blooded killing machines fall in love and experience heartbreak?  Do they experience intense sexual desire for another person that is born out of genuine attraction, as opposed to a simple need for release?  It turns out that they do.  Or at least the one we call Roland Deschain does.  And the story of his first love, from the initial meeting to the torrid affair to the truly sad ending makes my experience of falling in love and breaking up for the first time seem like a ride on the kiddie roller coaster.

roland-and-susan-kiss

So strap in, and get ready for the ride of your life, as I review The Dark Tower IV:  Wizard and Glass.

 

roller coaster 1

 


 

 

Synopsis

Wizard and Glass begins where the cliffhanger in The Wastelands left off:  Roland and his friends are aboard Blaine the Mono, a sentient train that has also gone insane.  Roland has challenged Blaine to a riddling contest, as Blaine loves riddles.  If Roland and his friends lose the contest, Blaine will commit suicide and take the ka tet with him.  If Roland and his friends win the contest, Blaine will spare their lives.  It is revealed that Blaine is cruel and loves to hurt other living creatures.

Blaine 2

Each member of the tet takes a turn at asking Blaine a riddle.  Blaine easily answers all of them.  Eventually, Jake, Eddie and Susannah run out of riddles and Roland takes over, as riddling contests were something Roland participated in as a child.  However, even Roland is unable to stump Blaine, and the tet becomes more sure of the death that awaits them, with each passing mile.

During the riddling contest, Eddie becomes lost in thought.  And to the surprise of his friends, especially Roland, it is Eddie who figures out how to stump Blaine: jokes.  Blaine’s programming cannot handle jokes (which are still a form of riddle).  Eddie begins to tell Blaine jokes, and Blaine is unable to answer these kinds of “riddles.”  Eventually, the jokes cause Blaine’s systems to short circuit, leading to his “death.”  The tet steps off the train to continue on in their journey.

Short-Circuit_13_03_25

Much to the surprise of Eddie, Jake and Susannah, Roland and his friends encounter a world that is eerily similar to “the real world” once they step off of Blaine the Mono.  There are signs indicating that the tet has entered Topeka, KS, which does not “exist” in Mid-World.  Roland and his friends also find vehicles and newspapers, both of which are not found in Mid-World.  However, this world differs from the world of Eddie, Jake and Susannah in one very important way:  99.99 % of the population has been killed off by the “super flu“, making it more similar in its nature to Mid-World, as it also has appears to have “moved on.”  Roland informs the rest of the tet that they have entered a “thinny“, a sort of gateway between worlds that has formed due to the deterioration of reality.  Roland also begins to remember the thinny he encountered in his childhood, and realizes that he must tell the tale to his friends, and soon.

thinny 1

 

Roland and his friends come to a stop and set up camp.  Roland then begins to tell the tale of his childhood, and his first love, Susan Delgado.

Susan Delgado 6

We learn that Roland was the youngest to ever best his teacher, Cort, and earn the title of gunslinger.  However, Roland has made an enemy in Marten Broadcloak after he wins his guns, as Marten committed acts of adultery with Roland’s mother Gabrielle, in the hopes of angering Roland into taking an early test of his manhood.  Marten hoped that Roland would fail the test, and be sent West as punishment.  Roland was indeed angered, but Marten’s plans went awry when Roland became the youngest ever (age 14) to pass the test and earn his guns.  Roland’s father Steven becomes concerned for his son’s safety, and sends Roland and his friends Alain and Cuthbert to Meijis, under assumed names, in an attempt to protect them all from Marten’s evil schemes.

cuthbert and alain

Roland and his friends arrive in Meijis under the guise that they will be taking an inventory of everything in Hambry, including horses.  Roland almost immediately notices that the number of horses in Hambry is extraordinarily high for a town of its size.  Roland also almost immediately notices a young girl by the name of Susan Delgado, who is very beautiful.  And the attraction between Roland and Susan is mutual even upon their first meeting.  However, Susan hints to Roland that she is promised to another, and Roland does not pursue her.  We also learn that Susan is promised in marriage to Mayor Hart Thorin by her greedy aunt, Cordelia Delgado.

HThorin

 

King also introduces us to a group of men called The Big Coffin Hunters.  This group includes a man named Eldred Jonas, who appears to have once been a gunslinger.  These men appear to act as bodyguards of sorts for Mayor Hart Thorin.  Roland and his friends become almost immediately suspicious of them, and Eldred and his friends return the favor.

eldred_jonas

We are also introduced to a woman known as Rhea of the Coos.  She is known in Hambry as the local witch woman, and is described as a crone.  Eldred and his friends entrust with the guardianship of a mysterious pink crystal ball that they refer to as “Maerlyn’s Grapefruit.”

Maerlyn's rainbow

 

It does not take long for Jonas and his friends to clash with Roland and his friends.  Cuthbert comes to the defense of a mentally disabled man named Sheemie one night at a bar, and draws the ire of Eldred Jonas.  The altercation is broken up by local law enforcement, but both sides quickly become suspicious of each other’s true natures.

sheemie

Roland and Susan try their hardest to stay away from each other so that Susan may fulfill her contract to Hart Thorin, but the mutual attraction is too powerful, and they begin a torrid affair.  They attempt to keep the affair a secret, but Roland’s friends quickly realize that their leader has become lovestruck, and begin to question his decisions, as they fear that danger is coming to Meijis.  And they are right to fear danger, as it is revealed that Eldred Jonas and his friends are secretly working for someone named The Good Man, who is anything but good and intends to destroy the Affiliation and the way of life in Roland’s world.  Rhea of the Coos also discovers the affair between Roland and Susan, via Maerlyn’s Grapefruit.  Cordelia, Susan’s aunt, becomes suspicious of Roland and her niece, and passes these suspicions on to Eldred Jonas.  Jonas uses this information in an attempt to begin the demise of Roland and his friends.

Cordelia

Roland, Alain and Cuthbert soon come to blows over Roland’s behavior and what Cuthbert feels to be poor decision making on Roland’s part.  However, the three also come to realize that Susan is part of their ka tet, and that she will be involved in whatever plans that are made to take on Jonas and the others working against the Affiliation.  Roland, Susan, Alain and Cuthbert meet, and agree to set fire to the oil patches in Hambry on Reaping Day, as that is when Jonas has planned his attack.  The four know it will be risky, but are willing to take on the challenge.  Roland also promises Susan that he will help her escape from Hambry, along with Sheemie, as they will be considered fugitives if the attempt is successful.

In the meantime, Jonas schemes with the mayor’s sister, Coral Hart.  Mayor Hart is then murdered by Jonas and his friends, and the murder is pinned on Roland and his friends.  Roland, Alain and Cuthbert are then arrested by Sheriff Avery, and are thrown in the Hambry jail, so that Jonas and the Good Man may continue with their plans.

John_Farson

 

Susan is able to free Roland, Cuthbert and Alain from jail, with the help of Sheemie.  The two reunite with Roland and his friends, so that they may carry out their plans to set fire to the oil patches and stop Jonas and the Good Man.

Roland leaves Susan alone with Sheemie in a hut outside of town, and he, Cuthbert and Alain begin to set fire to the oil patches, which causes quite a few explosions.  However, Susan is discovered by Jonas, who was in turn aided by Maerlyn’s Grapefruit.  Susan is arrested for treason and taken back into town to face her punishment.

Roland and his friends are successful, and are able to defeat Jonas and most of his men.  The encampment set up by the Good Man and his cohort, George Latigo, is burned to the ground by Roland, Alain and Cuthbert.  Roland also captures Maerlyn’s Grapefruit from Jonas, and experiences visions while trapped within the glass.  Roland realizes that the Dark Tower itself has become corrupted, and that he must embark on a quest to save the Tower.

dark tower

 

However, Susan Delgado is not so lucky.  Susan is burned alive for treason by a mob led by her Aunt Cordelia.  Roland witnesses this in Maerlyn’s Grapefruit, but is powerless to help Susan.  Susan’s last words before her death are those expressing her love for Roland.

Susan Delgado

Roland, Cuthbert and Alain then head back to Gilead, leaving the destruction of Meijis behind them.  Roland is still under the influence of Maerlyn’s Grapefruit even as he and his friends leave Meijis, and has become a changed man, in more ways than one.

The story then returns to the present.  Roland, Eddie, Jake, Susannah and Oy continue on The Path of the Beam but encounter a strange sight:  there is an image of what appears to be the castle in the Emerald City of Oz.  Roland and his friends then head into the castle and are given red shoes of various styles to fit their personalities.  Even Oy is given red booties.

wizard of oz 1

The tet then encounters some familiar faces in the “castle”:  Andrew Quick and Randall Flagg.  Andrew Quick is shot in the head and easily dispatched.  However, Randall Flagg is not so easily disposed.  Maerlyn’s Grapefruit makes another appearance, and this time traps Eddie, Jake, Susannah and Oy.

Eddie and the others are then subjected to one last vision of Roland’s past.  They learn that Roland committed one of the worst sins: matricide.  Rhea of the Coos followed Roland back to Gilead, and was able to trick him into (accidentally) murdering his mother, as she was seeking forgiveness from her son for her indiscretions with Marten Broadcloak.  This is something that Roland had been keeping secret from his new friends, but is brought to light by Flagg in an attempt to break up the tet and convince them to abandon their quest.  However, Eddie, Jake, Susannah and Oy refuse to give and swear their loyalty to Roland.  The castle then disappears, and the tet wakes up about 30 miles away from their previous location.

The book ends with Roland, Eddie, Susannah, Jake and Oy again pointed on the Path of the Beam, continuing their quest to seek the Dark Tower.

the dark tower cover_0

 


 

My Thoughts

So many thoughts on Wizard and Glass.  In fact, maybe too many thoughts.  But I will try to keep it brief (ha!).

Before I go into the love story, Roland’s past, etc, let me give some credit where credit is due.  And that credit needs to go to my main man, Eddie Dean.  After all, he saved the day.  When things looked bleak, Eddie was able reach deep down inside himself, gather up his reserves and…tell a few silly jokes!  But those silly jokes are what save the day, as they destroy Blaine and save the ka tet from certain death at the hands of an insane mono.  Roland was right to want kiss Eddie’s feet (not really, but I did get that feeling), as Eddie was the only member of the tet to come up with a solution.  And for that, Eddie deserves much commendation.

Eddie 1

 

In the previous books (The Drawing of the Three and The Wastelands), I discussed the fact that Roland the cold blooded killing machine seemed to be developing a bit of a personality (his love for Jake and his vulnerability being two great examples of this).  But Wizard and Glass will always be the book where we see major growth in Roland.  The story of his childhood in Meijis provides a lot of that growth.  But don’t discount Roland’s interactions with his companions, who have really become his peers at this point in the journey.  Roland shows even more vulnerability, especially when telling the tale of Susan Delgado and when the circumstances of his mother’s death are revealed.  Roland’s reaction and apologies to Eddie when Eddie rescues the tet from certain death on Blaine the Mono are also evidence of his humanity, and demonstrate how his new friends have humbled him.  All of this serves to emotionally invest the reader as well in Roland’s quest.  His quest not only becomes the quest of Jake, Eddie, Susannah and Oy, but also becomes the quest of the reader as well.

I hate love stories.  Romance sucks.  Chic flicks suck (except for The Heat, Miss Congeniality, and Legally Blonde).  Did I mention that I HATE romance?

In case you can’t tell from the above paragraph, the best part of Wizard and Glass was the romance between Roland and Susan.  No, really!  Romance when its in a Stephen King book is not like other romances…its a a cool romance!

Seriously, the romance between Roland and Susan is one of my favorite parts of this book.  And that includes almost everything about their relationship.  I loved how they met and were almost instantly attracted to each other, but still tried to stay away from each other, even as the tension kept building.  And boy, does that tension build!

roland and susan 2

But Roland and Susan are unable to stay away from each other, and finally the tension snaps.  And that snap has to be one of the hottest, sexiest snaps in anything I have ever read, far better than certain, other popular romances Fifty Shades of Grey, you have nothing on the master.  Not only is the relationship between Roland and Susan incredibly sweet (the image of the hardened gunslinger kissing away his love’s tears always gets me.  Every.  Single.  Time.), it is also incredibly erotic and passionate.  Roland is not only capable of kissing away Susan’s tears, he is also capable (almost in the same breath) of kissing her on the lips until her lips bled.  And he is able to illicit sexual feelings in Susan almost from the moment they met (I loved the image of Susan “taking care of herself”, so to speak.  Its rare that female sexuality is addressed in literature, especially in a book that is supposed to be a mix of fantasy, horror and western).  Really, does any mortal man  jackass Christian Grey sure doesn’t  have anything on Roland the gunslinger?  Whew, time for me to take a cold shower!

cold shower

I mentioned that I loved almost everything about about the romance in Wizard and Glass.  But what I didn’t love was the demise of Susan Delgado.  I just can’t imagine being burned alive by a mob.  And that mob included her own aunt.  And Roland could do nothing about it, except watch in the same manner people watch car wrecks because they can’t look away.  But the part that got to me the most was Susan declaring her love for Roland as she is being burned alive.  When I first read that part in the book, I was introduced to the concept of the “ugly cry.”  Only people with ice water running through their veins could not be affected by the death of Susan Delgado.

ugly cry

Wizard and Glass is also rife with bad guys.  Eldred Jonas, George Latigo and Blaine the Mono are a few.  But lets pay homage to a baddie that does not get nearly enough press.

Yes, Rhea of the Coos.  I am talking about you.  In the past, I envisioned you as this lady:

maga-magc3b2

Hey, don’t knock it, she even has a pink dress, and I understand that pink is a very special color for you!

Although some people may have this image in their minds:

beverly hillbillies irene

Rhea of the Coos is horrible.  And manipulative.  Evil.  I can’t think of any redeemable qualities.  None at all.  In other words, a perfect villain.  One of King’s most underrated villains, in this blogger’s humble opinion.  And when King describes her “relations” with her pet snake and pet cat (and they are mutants…gross much?), I shudder.  Even the image of Rhea herself is frightening, especially when King describes her appearance after the obsession with Maerlyn’s Grapefruit has taken over her life.  I love to be scared, and Rhea of the Coos fits that bill quite nicely!

rhea of the coos


 

Ah, young love.  There is nothing quite like it.  And nothing quite so painful when it ends, as Wizard and Glass reminds us all too well.  But its still fun to revisit that feeling, if only to be reminded that some experiences are more painful that others (Wizard and Glass also drives that point home).

Well, be prepared for an interlude…

No, not an interlude from this blog, silly!  I am going on vacation soon, but I will still be visiting the world of the Dark Tower, as my next book to read and review will be The Wind Through the Keyhole, where our favorite tet will be taking a break from their journey for more story time from Roland himself!

Tune in next week…same bat time, same bat channel!

batman and robin

 


 

Connections

Here we go again.  Some of the connections to King’s other work that I found in Wizard and Glass:

-After Roland and friends  leave Blaine the Mono, they encounter a thinny that seems to lead into the “real world”.  However, this world has been decimated by the super flu.  This world is none other than the world of The Stand.  The tet also sees graffiti referencing The Walkin’ Dude and Mother Abigail, both of whom are the major characters in The Stand.

Mother Abigail

-The tet also encounters a deserted park in what is Kansas in the world of The Stand.  The park has a children’s ride that is actually a train eerily similar to the train in the book owned by Eddie, Susannah and Jake.  In the book Cell, the main characters also encounter a similar ride in what is also an abandoned theme park.  Roland remarks that the deterioration of The Tower is likely responsible for such maladies as the super flu.  In  Cell, the malady experienced by the world in that book was known as The Pulse, which caused anyone using a cell phone to turn into a zombie.  This is interesting, as it implies that Mid-World, the world in The Stand and the world in Cell may actually be very close neighbors on The Tower, as all three have “moved on” in similar fashion.

RaggedyMan

Wizard and Glass is the first book to discuss the concept of a “thinny” or a deterioration between worlds that allows people to travel between worlds.  This is a concept discussed in several other King novels and short stories.  King’s most notable work featuring a thinny is the novella The Mist, where a doorway between worlds (a thinny, in other words) is accidentally opened up in a secret military experiment, and allows monsters from another dimension to invade that world, killing off most of the population.

the-mist-mons__big

Henry Dean is mentioned to have a friend by the name of Skipper Brannigan.  Skipper Brannigan is also mentioned to be an enemy of Dinky Earnshaw in the short story Everything’s Eventual.  This implies that Henry, and therefore Eddie, grew up in the same neighborhood and time period as Dinky Earnshaw.

Dinky

 

-The name of the park where Roland and his friends encounter children’s ride is Gage Park.  Of course, Gage is the name of the unfortunate little boy in Pet Sematary.

Gage 1

 

-Roland uses the alias “Will Dearborn” during his time in Meijis.  There is a character by the name of Sandy Dearborn in the novel From a Buick 8.

From_a_Buick_8_by_nosprings

 

-Sylvia Pittson is mentioned in Wizard and Glass.  Sylvia Pittson was the mad preacher woman who helped turn the town of Tull against Roland in The Gunslinger, causing him to kill every single inhabitant of the town, including women and children.

tull 2

-Rhea of the Coos is also mentioned in the book Eyes of the Dragon.  This seems to confirm that the world in Eyes of the Dragon is the same world that Roland inhabits.

Eyes of the Dragon 1

Man Crush Monday for 3/16/15

Its that time again, everyone but don’t get so excited that you start doing the lindy hop on your computer!

Yes, that’s right…its Man Crush Monday time (nerd style)!

Man Crush Monday 1

As as I have stated before, Stephen King writes some memorable characters.  That is one of his strengths as a writer, in fact.

And naturally, I get crushes on great characters.  Who can’t help but swoon a little over a Mike Noonan, or daydream about Nick Andros?

Nick Andros 1

So some worthy characters indeed.  But a few years back, I got to thinking, and ran into a bit of a problem.

The problem was that some of King’s characters are almost as old as my dad!  Not that May-December romances are necessarily a bad thing, but they can get complicated pretty quickly.  I like being able to relate to someone I’m crushing on.  And I imagine that some of the guys in King’s earlier work would have a hard time understanding my love of  culture experiences such as Animaniacs, and they may end up scratching their heads over my ability to recite the Konami code from memory.

Animaniacs

Not to mention the fun  Freud would have had dissecting these crushes…daddy issues much?

Freud

In 2011, Stephen King published what I consider to be in his technical best book, 11/22/63.  This book had everything:  time travel, historical fiction, romance and even just a tiny bit of horror thrown in.  I think that this book will eventually be on required reading lists in high schools and maybe even colleges everywhere, although this may not be for several more years.  But this book is remarkable, and it will end up going down in history as such.

But the best part about this book, at least from the standpoint of someone who gets crushes on fictional guys?

Jake Epping!  Jake Epping is the main character in the book, and the story is told from his point of view.  Jake is an English teacher (insert nerdy swoon here).  And he dances!  And is a great lover, as he is able take a somewhat broken woman, Sadie, and teach her that sex is not dirty and is actually enjoyable.

But it gets better.  Somehow, the awesomeness extends beyond a dancing English teacher who is a master in the sack.

Jake Epping was born in 1976!  That’s right, 1976!  Only two years old than me.  At last, a King character who (probably) won’t scratch his head over the significance of up-up-down-left-righ-left-right-b-a-start.  And would (again, probably) know that Wakko is not some city in Texas.

contra

So, without further ado, let’s honor Jake Epping, subject of this week’s Man Crush Monday!


 

Name:  Jake Epping.  Has been known to use aliases from time to time, most notably the name of George Amberson.

Profession:  English teacher.  However, he has made bets on sporting events, and often wins large amounts of money, almost like he had a pipeline from the future to help him predict the outcomes.

Relationship status:  Divorced from Christy, an alleged alcoholic.  In love with Sadie, which presents a problem.  On one timeline, Sadie was tragically killed while saving John F. Kennedy Jr. from a would be assassin.  In another timeline, Sadie lives but the age difference is just too great for them to work things out.

In other words, its complicated!

Hobbies:  He loves to dance.  He also loves time travel.  These two hobbies come in handy when he meets two very special children in a Maine town so small and insignificant that it is virtually ignored by all the major news outlets.

Enemies:  Even nice guys have some of those, so here are the known ones:

Lee Harvey Oswald.  Jake’s dislike of Oswald becomes so consuming that he stoops down to placing bugs in Oswald’s apartment, as if to keep tabs on him.

lee harvey oswald

Jimla.  A monster that Jake often dreams about, although a part of him realizes that monsters are a reflection of ourselves.

Buddy.  Some men just can’t let a beautiful woman go.  Buddy (Sadie’s ex husband) is no exception, and will continue to plague Sadie on all timelines.

The Yellow Card Man.  This one, along with the Green Card Man, may actually be more of a “frenemy.”  However, the past is obdurate, and will often remind Jake of that fact, sometimes in gruesome ways.

Quote:  “If there is love, smallpox scars are as pretty as dimples. I’ll love your face no matter what it looks like. Because it’s yours.”

card-1963


 

Here ya go, ladies…I present to you the very eligible Jake Epping!  Uh huh…you are very welcome!

Jake Epping can be reached by all normal means of communication, including telephone, email and snail mail.  But he is a bit of an old soul and prefers face to face communication.  He also prefers to take women on actual dates.  But if he wants to take you to a place called Al’s Fatburger, you may want to suggest another venue.  And if he suggests sneaking back to the storeroom in that diner, I suggest you RUN and don’t walk to the nearest exit, as he is probably not taking you back there to steal a kiss!

Thank you for tuning in to this week’s obdurate Man Crush Monday…tune in next week for more nerdy fun!

attracting-emotionally-unavailable-men-pic-2

My Sneakers

Many years ago, I read a short story by Stephen King in his collection Nightmares and Dreamscapes.  The story was titled “Sneakers.”  In this story, the main character, John Tell (or Tell), encounters a bathroom stall with a pair of sneakers behind it.  Not so unusual at first, but unusual is common place in a Stephen King story.  Tell quickly realizes that the sneakers actually belong to a ghost, as they have flies swarming around them.  Tell finally finds the courage to open the bathroom stall, and speaks to the unfortunate owner of the sneakers.  The ghost tells him that he was a former cocaine dealer to rich clientele, which included Tell’s boss.  Tell’s boss brutally murdered the cocaine dealer and never saw justice.  The ghost is finally able to move on to whatever may lie ahead, because someone finally heard his story.

Sneakers 1

 

For some reason, this story has always stuck with me.  It is a great metaphor:  who doesn’t have a pair of sneakers, hiding behind a bathroom stall, with flies buzzing around them, causing others who walk by to want to run away and not ever, ever open that door?

In other words, don’t we all have a story about ourselves that may cause others to run (maybe even run screaming) and hide (so we believe) but a story that should be told regardless, so that we are free to finally be ourselves, and be accepted by those who matter the most?

Well, I know I have a story (or three, but I will stick to the one for today).  This is not something that is well known about me, but it sure defined my life for a long period.

I got married when I was way too young (age 22).  And I  got married way too quickly (after 5 months).  And after 5 months, you don’t really know a person.  No, you really don’t know that person at all.

The first 5 years were rocky, but I stood by my ex.  I firmly believed that things would work out.  And we appeared to be on the right path.  My ex finally graduated from college and got his first “real job.”  Things started to look up.  Way up, in fact.

However, things started to look way down again.  In October of 2005, my ex was fired from his job.  This was someone who went into a funk if he thought someone criticized the color of his shirt.  So losing his job nearly put him out of his mind.  And then the lies began.

Roland 1

His time spent on the computer became almost astronomical.  He said he was for his job search.  Naively, I believed him.  Even though he became furtive and angry when I was anywhere near the computer, I believed him.  Or perhaps I chose to become a human ostrich, and bury my head in the sand.

denial

Until I got a phone call at work the week after Thanksgiving.  This phone call would change my life forever.

My ex proceeded to inform me that he had been arrested.  I was in total shock.  But that was just the beginning.

My ex had not just been arrested.  He was ARRESTED.  And by ARRESTED, I mean he was arrested for one of the worst crimes someone can commit.

My ex was arrested for a sex crime.  Even worse, he was arrested for a sex crime against a minor.  A minor.  Someone the law considers a child, who is unable to consent to anything, and must be protected against those who would take advantage of a child’s naivete.  People like my ex.

So could it get any worse?  Surely, it couldn’t get any worse?

I have learned not to ask the above question.  Because sometimes, you don’t want that answer.  But I got that answer anyway.

My ex was arrested in an undercover police sting, in the style of the show To Catch a Predator.  He believed he was speaking to a 14 year old girl named Ashley.  He was buying a teddy bear and candy for someone who was in ninth grade (or so he though).

But Ashley was not real.  Ashley was actually an undercover police officer.  Grants had been issued by the state of South Carolina to set up a program to catch people who felt the need to solicit minors.  People like my ex.  My ex was the first person caught using grant money for this program.

And it became big news.  There were cameras in the courtroom.  Those cameras were not there for the run of the mill assaults, DUI’s and other “petty” crimes that were typical in that court room.  They were there for my ex.  And by extension, for me, as I had promised to stand by my ex, for better or for worse.

And over the next few days, I got a taste of “worse.”  The newspaper in our town had picked up the story, along with all the local news channels.  I was humiliated, and also frightened.  Going out in public became a dreaded experience.  Even returning to work was difficult.  I know that most only felt sympathy for me, but I was still humiliated.  I had been cheated on in the worst way possible.  I felt dirty and ashamed.  I was also basically issued a gag order and was unable to really speak to anyone about my pain, as that may damage his upcoming trial.

Bart

I had become the dirty pair of sneakers behind the bathroom stall.  People walked by, too nervous to open the stall.  I began to feel invisible, almost like a ghost, unable to speak to anyone and have my story finally validated.

Shark 1

To make a long story short, the next several months were among the hardest and most painful that I had ever experienced in my life.  I had no one to vent to, other than my ex and his family (in retrospect, I was the minnow in the shark pool).  I stood by ex and tried to forgive him.  He went to trial, and because of rich parents who could afford the premier attorney in town, he was only given 5 years of probation, but was forced to register as a sex offender (that’s one public profile that no one wants to have).

Seven months after the trial, I finally found the courage to leave my ex.  I also finally found the courage to begin to tell my story and no longer hide what I had experienced.

People were finally able to open the bathroom stall.  And the ghost behind that stall was no longer silent.  Her story could finally be told.  Her sneakers were no longer filthy, with guilt and shame buzzing around them, like flies around a dead body.

Finally, the sneakers were clean.  And their owner was finally able walk out of the stall.  And she did walk out of the stall.  And then she began to run.  Because when someone is finally free after being trapped in a dirty bathroom stall for so long, she is unable to contain her joy, and is eager to run towards whatever may lie ahead.

Good-Running-Form

Man Crush Monday for 3/9/15

So, its time for Man Crush Monday, everyone!

keep-calm-its-man-crush-monday

You know, that custom where you talk about some guy you have a crush on but do it on Mondays, for the sake of alliteration?

Man Crush Monday 1

Well, welcome to my first Man Crush Monday post for this esteemed blog!  If the sports world and Hollywood can have their Man Crush Mondays, what’s to stop this blog?

Well, of course nothing will ever stop me, full time job and adult responsibilities be damned.  But of course, there will be a twist.  We all know that I tend to have crushes on fictional characters.  And actual fictional characters.  Not necessarily ones in movies and TV, although having a handsome actor portray one of my favorite characters certainly does not hurt!

Jon Snow

But I am going to stick to the spirit of this blog (all things nerdy) and try to (mostly) focus on my favorite male characters in books I have read.  After all, its about time these guys in fiction got some respect…someone worked very hard to create them and bring them to life, after all!


 

And let us start at the beginning.  And for me, the beginning is none other than the master himself, Stephen King.  King is one of the most talked about writers in my lifetime, and will probably be talked about long after I am gone.  And he is one of my favorite writers.  His stories have had a big impact on my life, especially the Dark Tower series, which also happens to be my favorite fantasy series of all time.

And surprise, surprise:  King creates memorable characters.  Even bigger surprise:  some of these characters are men, and I have a crushes on a few (don’t worry, my marital agreement has a clause written into it that having a crush on a fictional guy does not count as cheating, as long as I come up for air from whatever book I have my nose in every now and again).

And when I said I was going back to the beginning, I meant I was going back to the beginning.  The beginning of Roland Deschain’s journey, that is.  Roland may be a little stuffy, but his friends sure are cute.

Roland and tet 1

But the cutest of all Roland’s friends is none other than Cuthbert Allgood.  And meet the subject of my first Man Crush Monday post:

Cuthbert 2

Not bad, nope not bad at all, although I may be turning into a bit of a cougar with this one.


Full name:  Cuthbert Allgood

Hometown:  Gilead

Profession:  Gunslinger, but favorite weapon is his slingshot.

Relationship status:  Single, but has a companion that he refers to as his Lookout (a bird’s skull).  He shares many intimate details with his Lookout.  He also talks to his horse, Glue Boy, when the Lookout is not available.  He will open up and share his insights  jokes with anyone he thinks has ears the right woman.

Hobbies:  Loves to shoot arrogant, wannabe law enforcement officials with his slingshot, especially when the SOB threatens the life of a mentally disabled young man.  Not afraid to hit vital body parts with his slingshot, especially hands.  Also enjoys being a thorn in the side of his friend Roland, as he cannot stop cracking jokes and often is unable to stop talking (even when shot in the eye with an arrow).

Strengths:  Will stand up for any type of injustice (see Hobbies above).  Also has the ability to remember names and faces, which can come in handy for your unimaginative gunslinger friends.  Extremely charismatic.

Weaknesses:  Cannot.  Stop.  Talking.  (see Hobbies)  Also has a bit of a temper, and may speak out of turn to his friends.  Often forgets that his friends may be sensitive about certain topics, like when his friend is having a forbidden affair with a beautiful girl who is actually promised to a nasty old man.

Quote of the day:

  • “I have no opinion. No, none at all. Opinion is politics, and politics is an evil which has caused many a fellow to be hung while he’s still young and pretty.”
  • lookout

 


So there you have it: Cuthbert Allgood, the subject of my first Man Crush Monday post!  He may be a little young, but Cuthbert Allgood is always a great catch.  He will keep things interesting, and there will never be a dull moment when he is around!  He can’t be contacted via phone or email (Mid-World is a little behind the times, I have heard) but you can always send him a message via carrier pigeon!

carrier_pigeon

 

Don’t forget to tune in next Monday, so we can spend some more time crushing on imaginary unavailable but cute guys!

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Celebrating my Independence Day

So, it is now March, according to the calendar.

And I am thinking of Independence Day.

Yes, Independence Day.  In March.  March, when its cold and rainy, and we are nowhere close to being able to have a cookout, or go to the beach or even wear flip flops without freezing our feet off.

So why am I thinking about Independence Day?  Isn’t that on July 4th, when its summer in our country and we get to watch the pretty fireworks light up the sky?

Well, that’s the Independence Day recognized nationally and commemorated to recognize the birth of the United States as a country.  And its a great holiday, ensuring that winter doesn’t get to have all the holiday fun.

cookout

While our country celebrates its Independence Day in July, I celebrate mine in March.  Mine may not be a holiday, and it may be too cold to have a cookout, watch fireworks or do anything even remotely associated with summertime but this day will always stand out on my calendar, if no one else’s.

For somewhere around the date of March 5th, 2007, I finally gained my independence.  For nearly seven years, I was trapped in a living hell of a marriage.  Things were done that I will not speak of, not even from the relative anonymity of this blog and my computer.  I married someone with the idea of being loved and honored, per the vows that I took at that courthouse.  However, my marriage was far from anything even remotely resembling words like “love”, “honor” and “in sickness and in health.”  Instead, I lived in a nightmare for seven years, either feeling desperately trapped, or denying that I was feeling desperately trapped.  I became a shell of the smart, sassy and fierce woman that I was.  Instead, I was dulled down, much like the embers of a fire when it dies:  still smoldering, but lacking any real flame.  Occasionally, the fire would reignite, but not for long, since not upsetting the management had become my main goal in most of those seven years.

But out of the blue, my ex husband did me the only favor he ever did for me:  he cheated on me.  And he didn’t even try to hide it.  I did not consider it a favor or a blessing at the time.  Rather, I was humiliated.  He had cheated on me.  Who gets cheated on? Obviously, people who aren’t good enough, right?  So if I wasn’t good enough for him, obviously I was broken.  And good enough for no one else, either.

Bart

But, as the great Garth Brooks has said, thank God for unanswered prayers.  Being cheated on may have been humiliating and left me questioning my self worth (which had been pretty low for the past seven years anyway), but it also pushed me to leave.  And the leaving wasn’t so easy.  In fact, it was often a fight.  My ex realized who now had the power before I even realized that fact myself.  And it wasn’t him.  He had spent seven years in the driver’s seat, both literally and figuratively (as I did not obtain my driver’s license until I was 28).  But I finally got back a little of my old self.  The old self who fought and scrapped, and did not stand for any kind of injustice.  And it only took a little bit.  I used that little bit to finally break away from what had become my prison.

Finally, I was free.  I was able to secure my own apartment.  I crammed all of the important belongings into my little car and moved into that apartment as soon as I was able.  And being free was wonderful.  I no longer had to fear another human.  I could walk my normal walk, since I didn’t have to walk on eggshells any longer.

In other words, I had hope again.  And as a certain famous character in one of the greatest movies of all time said:  “Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things.  And no good thing ever dies.”

Andy Dufresne 1

And on that day in early March, I was given a gift.  The best gift I have ever received: hope.  Andy Dufresne was right, hope is the best of things.  And he was right about another thing:  good things do not die.  Maybe sometimes we lose them for awhile, like I did.  But no good thing ever truly dies.  I learned that lesson in that day in early March of 2007.  And it was a lesson that I desperately needed to learn.

Andy Dufresne 2

So, happy Independence Day everyone!  I know mine will be a happy one too!

fireworks 2

 

 

Survival of the Fittest

Well, global warming is an issue.  We should all know that by now.  And it is causing the disappearance of too many of the species that inhabit our planet.  And this disappearance is occurring at an alarming rate…

global warming

But rest assured, I know of at least one species that is safe.  And it will probably survive long past any nuclear holocaust and will be around even after our world “moves on.”

mushroom cloud

Nope, sorry cockroach…its not you, as frighteningly durable as you are!  Although this particular species manages to even make you look like a beauty pageant contestant, although you will probably still be Miss Congeniality, even next to this species!

giant cockroachmiss congeniality

Why yes, I am talking about…

drum-roll-please

None other than…da dum…the internet troll!

Fat-Green-Troll

Yup, step up and take a bow, internet troll!  You have once again proven that you will not go extinct any time soon…woohoo, how awesome!

And congratulations on coming up with remarks about someone’s daughter that were sooooo rude and explicit that they would probably make a sailor blush…hey, survival of the fittest, right?

evolution

Curt Schilling having the nerve to say you need jail time?  Pish posh, what does he know?  You need to make your presence known, dammit, to continue to ensure survival and if the best way is to make remarks about rape, bloody underwear and other things that are just too disgusting to  mention on even this blog, so be it!  Again, survival of the fittest!  The species must proliferate!  Darwin said so!

Who cares if people kill themselves because they are being bullied?  Who cares if people have relationships, jobs and so forth that can be affected due to internet harassment?  And who really gives a crap if people may have information online that they expect to remain private, but you revealed that information when it wasn’t yours to share to begin with?  After all, they are just feelings, right?  And what kind of reasonable person expects themselves and their families to be safe online, just like how reasonable people expect themselves to safe walking down the street in broad daylight?  What’s more important, people’s safety and overall well being, or your need to ensure that you survive?  Even if someone feels that they have to do something drastic, like take his/her own life, or even just throw themselves on their bed in tears, due to your ugly actions, its all good!  You are surviving and thriving…we all need fuel, and you can’t help if hate just happens to be your fuel!

Oh, damn…a couple of you actually lost your jobs?  And oh no, now you have to explain to your family (and I will leave off friends, studs like you living in your mom’s basement are too cool for friends, obviously) why you lost your job…oh, the humanity!  Its unfair, you were just doing what you needed to do to survive, and the nerve of your job to actually discipline you…what do they know?  Obviously, the law doesn’t care and you have the right to exercise your first amendment rights and that right is more important than someone else’s right to safety and privacy…right?  You should be able to say whatever you want without impunity…after all…’Murica!

Yes, it will definitely be a sad world if you guys somehow stop proliferating.  Why do we want this world to be a nice place, after all?  Why would we want everyone, no matter their race, creed, religion, etc, to feel like they have a safe place to express themselves, if they so desire?  Obviously, there is such a thing as too safe, and no civilized society should be that!  So keep on doing what you’re doing, internet trolls…obviously, the world isn’t cruel enough to even the most vulnerable and disenfranchised, and we need you guys around to ensure that it is!

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