Its that time again, everyone but don’t get so excited that you start doing the lindy hop on your computer!
Yes, that’s right…its Man Crush Monday time (nerd style)!
As as I have stated before, Stephen King writes some memorable characters. That is one of his strengths as a writer, in fact.
So some worthy characters indeed. But a few years back, I got to thinking, and ran into a bit of a problem.
The problem was that some of King’s characters are almost as old as my dad! Not that May-December romances are necessarily a bad thing, but they can get complicated pretty quickly. I like being able to relate to someone I’m crushing on. And I imagine that some of the guys in King’s earlier work would have a hard time understanding my love of culture experiences such as Animaniacs, and they may end up scratching their heads over my ability to recite the Konami code from memory.
Not to mention the fun Freud would have had dissecting these crushes…daddy issues much?
In 2011, Stephen King published what I consider to be in his technical best book, 11/22/63. This book had everything: time travel, historical fiction, romance and even just a tiny bit of horror thrown in. I think that this book will eventually be on required reading lists in high schools and maybe even colleges everywhere, although this may not be for several more years. But this book is remarkable, and it will end up going down in history as such.
But the best part about this book, at least from the standpoint of someone who gets crushes on fictional guys?
Jake Epping! Jake Epping is the main character in the book, and the story is told from his point of view. Jake is an English teacher (insert nerdy swoon here). And he dances! And is a great lover, as he is able take a somewhat broken woman, Sadie, and teach her that sex is not dirty and is actually enjoyable.
But it gets better. Somehow, the awesomeness extends beyond a dancing English teacher who is a master in the sack.
Jake Epping was born in 1976! That’s right, 1976! Only two years old than me. At last, a King character who (probably) won’t scratch his head over the significance of up-up-down-left-righ-left-right-b-a-start. And would (again, probably) know that Wakko is not some city in Texas.
So, without further ado, let’s honor Jake Epping, subject of this week’s Man Crush Monday!
Name: Jake Epping. Has been known to use aliases from time to time, most notably the name of George Amberson.
Profession: English teacher. However, he has made bets on sporting events, and often wins large amounts of money, almost like he had a pipeline from the future to help him predict the outcomes.
Relationship status: Divorced from Christy, an alleged alcoholic. In love with Sadie, which presents a problem. On one timeline, Sadie was tragically killed while saving John F. Kennedy Jr. from a would be assassin. In another timeline, Sadie lives but the age difference is just too great for them to work things out.
In other words, its complicated!
Hobbies: He loves to dance. He also loves time travel. These two hobbies come in handy when he meets two very special children in a Maine town so small and insignificant that it is virtually ignored by all the major news outlets.
Enemies: Even nice guys have some of those, so here are the known ones:
Lee Harvey Oswald. Jake’s dislike of Oswald becomes so consuming that he stoops down to placing bugs in Oswald’s apartment, as if to keep tabs on him.
Jimla. A monster that Jake often dreams about, although a part of him realizes that monsters are a reflection of ourselves.
Buddy. Some men just can’t let a beautiful woman go. Buddy (Sadie’s ex husband) is no exception, and will continue to plague Sadie on all timelines.
The Yellow Card Man. This one, along with the Green Card Man, may actually be more of a “frenemy.” However, the past is obdurate, and will often remind Jake of that fact, sometimes in gruesome ways.
Quote: “If there is love, smallpox scars are as pretty as dimples. I’ll love your face no matter what it looks like. Because it’s yours.”
Here ya go, ladies…I present to you the very eligible Jake Epping! Uh huh…you are very welcome!
Jake Epping can be reached by all normal means of communication, including telephone, email and snail mail. But he is a bit of an old soul and prefers face to face communication. He also prefers to take women on actual dates. But if he wants to take you to a place called Al’s Fatburger, you may want to suggest another venue. And if he suggests sneaking back to the storeroom in that diner, I suggest you RUN and don’t walk to the nearest exit, as he is probably not taking you back there to steal a kiss!
Thank you for tuning in to this week’s obdurate Man Crush Monday…tune in next week for more nerdy fun!