both all who read this blog, I will have you know that I was treated to the best 45 minutes of my life last night…
And no, we are not talking about THAT! THAT is a worthwhile activity, so maybe what I did last night isn’t quite on a par with THAT, although it is pretty close. And like THAT actually lasts 45 minutes anyway…
Nor am I talking about the activity that followed, which can best be described as fighting off a crackhead (although an adorable crackhead but still a crackhead nonetheless), who seemed intent on dismembering my fingers and leaving scratches on me that actually don’t require a cool explanation…seriously, remind me to call the dog food company and tell them that meth should not be their main ingredient in the dog food and that they need to go back to GMO’s already!
And, as stated before, I don’t think I have ever had a more meaningful 45 minutes!
This episode had it all: monsters, Mulder-isms, hi-jinks and Easter eggs galore.
Did I mention the Easter eggs? Well, in case you missed it, they were everywhere!
And if you haven’t watched this treasure, then that must be remedied immediately…don’t make me send an enterprising blue heeler to come attack you for not doing so!
So, anyway, without further ado, here is my recap and review of Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster.
The episode begins with a couple who are getting high from paint fumes in a forest in Oregon. Their activities are interrupted when they encounter a giant, lizard-like creature who appears to have attacked someone, and an animal control officer is struggling with the creature himself. The creature then runs off, and we are shown the body of its presumed victim.
The show switches over to the perspective of Mulder and Scully. Mulder has become discouraged and feels foolish, as it seems that many of his “monsters” were not actually monsters at all, but rather hoaxes or could be explained away by science. Scully then enters his office, telling him that there is a case in Oregon that needs their attention.
The agents investigate the forest where the murder occurred. Mulder is skeptical, and thinks that the murder is not something worth investigating, as he believes the explanation to be a natural one. Scully tries to bring him out of his depression, and tells him that regardless of what the explanation is, this case needs their attention before someone else is killed.
Mulder and Scully interview a transgender woman at a truck stop later that night, who states she was also attacked by a lizard like creature who wore men’s underwear. The agents also speak with the animal control officer, who survived the attack in the woods. The “monster” suddenly re-appears, and Mulder discovers the body of yet another victim. Mulder chases the creature and attempts to capture proof of its existence on video, but is unsuccessful. Mulder and Scully believe that the creature has hidden in a port-potty, but the creature is not seen in the porta-potty. Instead, the agents open the door to reveal a man who seems completely normal in appearance. However, the man also appears to have horns, which disappear into his head. The man’s name is Guy Mann.
Scully performs an autopsy at the morgue on the latest victim. Mulder tries to convince her that he has captured evidence of the lizard man on video. Scully is skeptical, but glad to see that her partner is acting like himself again.
Mulder is awakened by scream in the middle of the night at the hotel he and Scully are staying at. Mulder speaks to the hotel manager, who confesses that he peeped on Guy Man and witnessed him transform in the lizard creature. Mulder then speaks to Scully, and discusses several scenarios, all of which are based on supernatural explanations. However, Scully is again skeptical, although she is once again glad to see that Mulder is acting more like himself. Mulder also finds a bottle of prescription pills that belonged to Guy Mann. Mulder speaks to Mann’s psychiatrist, and tracks Mann down to a graveyard.
In the meantime, Scully attempts to speak to Mann at the electronics store where he is employed. She appears to have been unsuccessful, however, as Mann panics and leaves the store in chaos.
At the graveyard, Mulder finally catches up to Mann, and demands an explanation of why Mann transforms into a lizard creature. Mann surprises Mulder, and tells him that he has always been a lizard creature, but was bitten by a human, which forces him to transform into a human at night. Mann tells Mulder of his struggle to fit into society, which covers everything from finding clothes to finding viable employment and even adopting a puppy (Mann becomes quite distressed when he loses the puppy). Mann laments his curse which forces him to transform into a human, and wishes death for himself.
Scully has realized that the animal control officer is actually the one who is the killer. She apprehends the man at the animal shelter, and he is arrested and will stand trial for the murders. Scully also adopts a puppy, which was actually the puppy lost by Mann.
Mulder meets Guy Mann in the forest later that night. Mann tells him that he is going to hibernate for 10,000 years, and that hopefully he can sleep his curse off. Mulder is still skeptical, but witnesses Mann transform into the lizard creature before his eyes. Mann retreats back in to the forest, and Mulder’s belief that he is a part of something greater than himself is restored.
I. AM. FUCKING. DYING!!!!
Yes, I may have let my 500+ peeps on a certain social media network know that the other as I watched this particular episode…
I am given to hyperbole, but I think this statement was the truth…I am not exaggerating!
Trust me, trying to write up something like this while you still have a case of the giggles is not a job for the faint of heart…so take a moment to congratulate me, ok?
And, oh…where do I start?
First of all, the Lizard Man. Even the words “Lizard Man” bring up images from movies like this one:
Good stuff, I tell you! I loved the nod to vintage horror…Chris Carter certainly knows how to pay homage!
And that includes paying homage to…well, himself.
I know, I know. I am sure that some may think that all of the self-references bring this to mind:
But it wasn’t like that. Not at all. In fact, finding the Easter eggs became a game of sorts.
I found quite a few, although I am sure I am slack and missed a few more.
Scully saying that she was immortal.
And let’s not forget the conversation between Mulder and Scully that seems to reference every single previous episode. And that smirk from Scully…comedic gold right there!
I had to love Mulder’s ringtone as well. It seems he could at least set up ringtones on his phone.
The gravestone too. I am sure Kim Manners is smiling down from that great UFO in the sky. Again, gone but not forgotten.
And even when we are in The X Files universe, it has to hashtag itself, Well, according to the McDonald’s sign where Mr. Lizard went to satisfy his craving for “meat”, at any rate.
As stated before, this episode was comedic gold. And in countless ways.
In fact, the episode started with comedic gold. Two people huffing paint fumes. From spray paint cans, no less. How could you go wrong with that start? Well, other than the fact they were using spray paint. Sheesh, kids today. Back in my day, we did it right and used gasoline to get that poor man’s high!
Oh, and poor Mulder’s attempts to use his cell phone for something…well you know…useful? Useful for him at any rate, so that he could capture evidence of his “monster” and maybe create a You Tube channel and get a few subscribers. Although I can kind of relate to Mulder: It’s hard enough for me to get a good shot of my animals, let alone close up video of video a creature whose existence would change the face of the animal kingdom as we know it. Nah, I would be more likely take a picture of my big toe instead.
I just have to go back to that dialogue between Mulder and Scully in the hotel room, where we are treated to a recap of (seemingly) every other X Files episode. Oh, the look on Mulder’s face. Oh, the look on Scully’s face. Scully says it best when she says nothing at all.
We also had the transvestite hooker who informed Mulder that she was “on the crack.” ‘Nuff said!
Luckily, David Duchovny has a fantastic sense of humor, and was not afraid to poke fun at himself a bit. As an added bonus, we got to see Mulder red underwear. So much sexier than a lizard man in boxer briefs!
And speaking of sexy…
How about that lizard man porno action, huh? I tried to get #lizardmanporno trending, but I was unsuccessful, alas. Social media just doesn’t know what’s up sometimes…
Although I could buy this guy getting in some sexy time with Scully much better than I could buy my ex getting the time of day from any living, breathing creature in a skirt. Even hookers who are “on the crack.”
Oh, and the lizard man. I loved Mulder and Scully in this episode, but I think I need to nominate Mr. Lizard for some kind of award. Do they have a category for best supporting lizard in a cult TV series? If not, we need one, stat!
Not only did Mr. Lizard get to make it with Scully (at least in a fantasy sequence, which is way more than almost any man or woman could ever hope for), he helped Mulder out of a major existential crisis. Again, the chances of that happening are about as likely as…say…the chances of making it with Scully, maybe?
You see, poor Mulder had been struggling. Like many of us, he had come to a crossroads, and was wondering what path he should take. And he had begun to lose faith. I think we’ve all been there. Even the most faithful of us have trouble believing at times. Sometimes, life can feel like you are shoveling shit into the tide, where it all just washed up on shore again, so what’s the point?
But sometimes, light comes from the most unexpected places. Often, what appears to be the beast can be the most human of us all.
By offering Mulder that one, tiny glimpse, Mr. Lizard was able to accomplish something that no one else, not even Scully, could: he made Mulder believe again, at least a little.
Virginia Mulder was able to believe in Santa Claus monsters again. Or maybe not just monsters, but something greater than himself, that he wasn’t sure existed any more.
Sometimes, miracles happen on places other than 34th Street.
So that’s it for Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster. Tune in next week for the recap and dissection of the 4th episode of The X Files renewal, Home Again.
Tune in next week…same bat time, same bat channel!