Oh My God!
Two years, guys!
Two fucking years!
For two years, I have been without my man, Shadow Moon.
For two years, I have had do without that lecherous Mr. Wednesday.
For two years I have missed seeing the asshole dead wife kick some ass!
Well, thank God for this weekend, though.
Because I had a reunion with the friends mentioned above.
God knows, it had been too long since I got to hang out with these guys, right?
And my God, it was worth it!
(Yeah, I know. But it’s been two years, God knows I can’t help myself here!)
So, was it worth the wait? And all the drama?
Well, if the first episode of the second season is any indication…
The answer is God yes!
So, grab your favorite glass from Jack’s Crocodile Bar, fill it with your favorite mead…
And settle in, as we review and dissect the first episode of season 2, titled House on the Rock.
And, as always…
The episode begins with Technical Boy gathering Mr. World and the rest of his cohorts at The Black Briar Club, so that the New Gods can regroup and come up with a strategy to defeat Mr. Wednesday and the rest of the Old Gods.
Mr. World then requests that Technical Boy track down the missing Media.
In the meantime, Shadow, Mr. Wednesday, Laura and Mad Sweeney drive across the country, and make a stop at a place called The House on the Rock.
We get a narration describing the history of The House on the Rock, along with its creator, Alex Jordan Jr. The House on the Rock can be said to be of religious significance.
The Old Gods gather at The House on the Rock. The Jinn shows up, along with Bilquis and Anansi. The Jinn tells Bilquis that she is not invited, but Bilquis states that she will be heard, as she is an Old God and has just as much as a right to be at the meeting as anyone else.
Salim then shows up at The House on the Rock, having tracked down the Jinn, whom he is in love with. The Jinn tries to force Salim to leave, telling him that this is a dangerous place, but Salim refuses to leave, stating that The Jinn is what makes him happy.
Wednesday and company arrive at The House on the Rock. Wednesday reminds Laura that she is not invited to this meeting, but Laura follows him to the house anyway, reminding Wednesday that she is there to protect Shadow.
Wednesday meets with Zorya Vechernyaya and Czernobog. While Wednesday meets with the other Old Gods, Shadow and Laura put coins in a machine that tells fortunes. Laura’s fortune is blank, while Shadow’s has the word “none” listed in every category.
Mr. World prepares for war at Black Briar, referencing his involvement in Operation Paperclip, the moon landing, and other historical events.
Shadow and Wednesday head to a room that contains a carousel, and Wednesday convinces Shadow to take a ride on the carousel.
The ride on the carousel quickly turns into a surreal experience. Shadow is transported to one of Wednesday memories, and realizes that what he is experiencing is actually “real.”
Shadow awakens on beach and is greeted by Bilquis. Shadow follows Bilquis until they come to a temple, where the rest of the Old Gods await them, in their ethereal forms.
The Old Gods tell stories of how they were brought to America by immigrants, only to be abandoned in favor more modern “gods.”
We are also introduced to Mama-ji, who is not convinced that war is necessary. Shadow and Bilquis also speak, reminding the Old Gods that the world is changing, and that perhaps it is possible to learn from the New Gods.
Shadow then wakes up at a diner, where he, Wednesday, and the rest of the Old Gods celebrate. Shadow pleads with the rest of the Old Gods to take up arms to protect themselves.
Bilquis introduces herself to Laura Moon and kisses her. Bilquis wonders what kind of God Laura is, as she senses that Laura is not human. We also see that Bilquis has a cell phone with some kind of tracking device attached to her hip.
Mr. World sends an assassin to the diner. The assassin opens fire, and blood flies. Zorya is mortally wounded and dies in Wednesday’s arms. Czernobog curses the person who shot Zorya, and Wednesday pleads for everyone to prepare for war.
Shadow sneaks out of the diner and finds the gun man. Shadow beats the gunman down, but a helicopter appears and Shadow is kidnapped. The helicopter then leaves with Shadow as its unwilling passenger.
So, time to bring back my weekly OMG award…
God knows, I have missed giving it to the deserving recipient…
But, I have a problem…
I don’t know who to issue that award to this week!
Goddammit, there are too many deserving recipients this week!
I mean, Mad Sweeney.
My favorite Leprecunt…
Who may have a thing for maggot infested crotches…
And who is so cool that when he tries to flick his cigarette out the window, he burns himself instead.
Oh Sweeney, you may be a deity, but you are really that boy who annoyed me in middle school with his constant yammering, but also secretly made me laugh with references like “Roadkill Rhonda.”
I mean, Roadkill Rhonda.
Tell me you don’t have a middle school crush on the asshole dead wife, Sweeney!
And Sweeney is deserving. He really is.
But, we have Anansi.
Sweet old Anansi, who affectionately calls Wednesday a…
Fucking rabbit racist?!
Yup, he did!
A rabbit racist.
A RABBIT RACIST.
Yeah, now I want to work that into my normal everyday conversation.
Anyone who pisses me off is now a fucking rabbit racist!
(In case you can’t tell, my social calendar is free for at least the next 7, 437 days, give or take. Can’t imagine why.)
Or maybe, just maybe, Samuel L is our own incarnation of Anansi…
Yeah, think about that, skinny white motherfuckers!
While this episode wasn’t heavy in terms of plot, it was fun.
I mean, we got the band back together!
We hung out with the asshole dead wife er Roadkill Rhonda er maggot panties er Laura Moon.
And we met that now double crossing snatch that eats you instead of you eating it, aka Bilquis.
Bilquis kissed Laura, too…
(That look on Mad’s face though.)
Is it just me, or does anyone else feel the need to shout “Swipe left, you fool” when Bilquis appears?
(Must be just me, Bilquis isn’t suffering for a lack of dates, it appears.)
Czernobog made an appearance.
Wearing a clean shirt, woohoo!
Finally, the asshole dead wife wins the stinkiest one onscreen award!
Now, we also have a pissed off Czernobog (more on that later.)
The plot thickens!
We also ran into the New Gods, aka The Technical Douche er Boy and Mr. World.
Technical Boy was notably missing his droogs, thanks to a battle of the rabbit racists. Actually, that’s fucking rabbit racists, right?
Oh, and Mr. World bragging about his past exploits…
The moon landing.
Of course, Media was conspicuously absent.
But I have a funny feeling that she won’t be for too much longer…
Now, this episode was a little thin on plot, as I pointed out a few blog minutes ago.
Not this is necessarily a bad thing, given the circumstances. It is the first episode of the second season, after a two year hiatus.
The “getting the band back together” scenario actually worked quite well for this episode.
We got to see our favorites, without the intrusion of anyone new (yet.)
After all, reunions are reunions, and not meet and greets.
The carousel ride at the famous The House on the Rock made this episode memorable, as it reminded us of just how surreal this world that Shadow has chosen to become a part of really is.
We are still a bit confused, along with Shadow. But that is par for the course, given this show.
Now, I said the episode was thin on plot. That doesn’t mean that the plot was entirely non-existent.
We did experience a couple of major plot milestones.
Shadow gets kidnapped, blah blah.
I am sure that rescue won’t take too long.
But we also lost someone…
A God, at that.
Oh Zorya Vechernyaya…
(I really bet my spellcheck has missed me these past two years. Sorry guy, if this season goes the way I think it will, you are gonna have a lot more work to do!)
See the part about pissed off Czernobog.
Killed by bullets with the words “Deus Mortuorum” inscribed in them.
(Wonder if those have anything to do with Vulcan and his weapons factory. Sometimes, you get a funny feeling, you know?)
God is dead.
Or is it God of the Dead?
Either way, we have truth there.
A God has been killed.
Or Wednesday, Czernobog, Bilquis, Anansi, et al are Gods of the Dead, as belief in them in waning, and not many of the living believe in these guys any more.
And there are New Gods who want to make sure that remains the case, no matter how much blood is shed.
Well, that’s it for The House on the Rock.
Join me next week for the recap and dissection of the second episode of season 2 of American Gods, titled The Beguiling Man.
Tune in next week…
Same bat time, same bat channel!