Dead is Definitely Better: My Review of Pet Sematary

Well, I just finished A Dance With Dragons, the fifth book in George RR Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice series.

So now, we wait.  And wait and wait.  And wait some more for books six and seven, at least, according to history, as our beloved GRRM is not exactly the quickest when it comes to publishing books.  However, I love this series so much, so I forgive the bumbling writer of what will probably be one of the most epic fantasy series of all time.

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In fact, I think of it as karma:  I discovered The Dark Tower series after all the books had been published, so I was able to read them at my leisure.  So now the universe has paid me back by forcing me to wait on Game of Thrones.  It’s all good though, I am sure I can find something else to occupy my time before my return to Westoros

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Well, good thing we have The Master!  Really, are you even surprised any more?

Simpsons SK

So, in order to relax while waiting for book six in A Song of Fire and Ice (yes, I may fight windmills while I am waiting for that, actually), I decided to pick up another Stephen King book.  In other words, I have time to kill (see what I did there).

I casually thought about what relaxing book of King’s to read.  I mean, there are quite a few to choose from.

So, I chose Pet Sematary.

Stephen King's Pet Sematary (1985)

I mean, that’s a relaxing read, right?  It will give me some pleasant dreams, right?  It’s good family fun, right?

Ok, you got me.  I really need to stop abusing the sarcasm font.  Seriously…

I deliberately chose Pet Sematary.  If memory serves, this is the one King book I have only read once, and there are very good reasons for that.

I first read this book when I was about 13 years old.  Shortly after, my parents made me stay in this really weird place…I think it’s called Arkham Asylum?  And I met some really funny folks there and they became my lifelong friends!

joker and harley

In other words, Pet Sematary scared me into a change of pants.  I couldn’t sleep with lights off for at least a couple of nights.  Being alone in the house sucked.  And I felt the need to hug my cats really, really tight, claws and teeth be damned.  I may have been turned off from horror and had to resort to watching Disney flicks after this book, as a matter of fact.

Of course, I decided to re-read it, nearly 25 years later.  Makes perfect sense, right?

Well, horror is about confronting fears, to an extent.  In fact, King has written about that, in more than a few books.

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So if a group of plucky kids can travel down to the sewers and confront their fears, why can’t nearly 38 year old me re-read a book that terrified her at age 13?

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Therefore, I convinced myself to read Pet Sematary.  Don’t worry, I have the Blue Heeler Protection Agency at my service, so I will be safe at all times…screw you, Wendigo!

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Anyway, here goes nothing, aka my recap and review of Pet Sematary.

And, as always:

Homer spoiler


 

Synopsis

The story begins with the introduction of the Creed family:  Louis Creed, who is a doctor; his wife Rachel; his five year old daughter Ellie and his infant son Gage.  The Creeds have relocated to Ludlow, Maine from Chicago, and have also brought their pet cat Church along.  The Louis and his family meet  their new neighbor, Jud Crandall, shortly after their arrival at their new home, and become fast friends with Jud and his wife Norma.

Louis and his family quickly settle into their new life in Ludlow.  Louis begins his new job at the nearby university.  Ellie starts kindergarten.  Gage slowly settles into his new routine, and Rachel also becomes friends with Jud and Norma.

One afternoon, not long after Ellie’s first day of school, Jud Crandall stops by the house and invites Louis and his family to take a walk with him.  Jud takes the Creed family for a walk on their property that is about a mile long, and shows them something that is called the “Pet Sematary.”  This is actually a graveyard for family pets, many of which were victims of the busy nearby highway.  Louis and Ellie find the site to be a curiosity, although Rachel is disturbed by it.

The next morning, Ellie becomes upset over the idea of the Pet Sematary, as she realizes that her cat, Church, will not live forever.  Louis tries to calm her and explain death to her, but Rachel becomes extremely upset over the conversation, as her sister Zelda died when Rachel was a child.  Rachel becomes so angry that she forces Louis to promise tonever bring up the subject of death again with their daughter.  Louis becomes troubled, thinking that there may be much more to the story of Zelda’s death than Rachel has told him.

The next day, the university that employs Louis is back in full session, so the real work begins for Louis.  And Louis is put to work right away, as one of his first patients is a young man who is the victim of a car accident.  The young man’s name is Victor Pascow, and Louis quickly realizes that his patient will die.  Before the young man passes away, he mentions the “Pet Sematary”, and tells Louis that is not the real cemetery.  However, before Louis can ask any more questions, Pascow passes away from his wounds.  Louis dismisses the young man’s words as a trick played on him by his ears, and proceeds to do his job as a physician.

That night, Louis encounters Victor Pascow in what he believes to be a vivid dream.  Louis follows the being claiming to be Victor Pascow to the Pet Sematary.  The being then warns Louis not to go beyond the Pet Sematary, no matter how tempted he becomes, and that the destruction of himself and all that he loves is very near.  The next morning, Louis finds pine needles on his bedroom floor.  Louis dismisses the incident as an extremely vivid dream accompanied by an episode of sleepwalking, and continues with his day.

The weeks pass by, and the memory of the incident with Victor Pascow begins to fade.  On Halloween, Louis takes Ellie out trick-or-treating and stops by Jud’s house.  While he is there, Jud’s wife Norma has a heart attack.  Louis is able to administer treatment to her, and Norma survives the incident and makes a nearly complete recovery.

For Thanksgiving, Ellie, Rachel and Gage fly back to Chicago, while Louis remains in Maine.  While his family is gone, Church the cat is run over by a vehicle on the busy road.  Louis is upset and wonders how he will break the news to Ellie, who is very attached to Church.  However, Jud tells Louis that he may be able to help him, and insists on burying Church that night.

Jud leads Louis to the Pet Semetary, and Louis believes that he will bury Church there.  However, there is a burial ground beyond the Pet Semetary, and this is where Louis buries his daughter’s cat.  Jud tells Louis that his burial ground is a Micmac burial ground and that it may contain magical properties.  Louis is skeptical, but buries Church there anyway, and returns home shortly after, still wondering how he will break the news to Ellie.

The next day, Louis gets the surprise of his life when Church returns to his house.  Initially, Louis thinks that he perhaps made a mistake in thinking that Church was dead the night before, and was perhaps just unconscious.  However, the cat seems to have changed, and Louis cannot get rid of the feeling that something just is not right.

That night, Jud tells Louis the story of how he buried his dog, Spot, in the same burial grounds.  Like Church, Spot is resurrected, but is not quite the same.  Jud tells Louis that he was relieved when his dog died a few years later, as his personality had changed, and always smelled like dirt.  Jud also tells Louis that this could be a good lesson for Ellie, to help teach her that death is not such a bad thing.

Rachel returns home with Ellie and Gage, and Louis is glad to see his family again.  However, Ellie notices that something is different about Church.  She says that he stinks and no longer allows the cat to sleep with her.  Other than that, life continues on its normal course for the Creed family.

That winter, Norma Crandall passes away in her sleep.  The Creed family and Jud are extremely saddened by this.  Over Rachel’s objections, Ellie attends the funeral with Louis, and this becomes a rite of passage of sorts.  Rachel finally tells Louis about the death of her sister, Zelda, who passed away from spinal meningitis when she was ten years old.  Rachel was left alone in the house to care for Zelda before she passed away, and the experience was extremely traumatic.  Rachel has spent her life feeling guilt in regards to Zelda’s death, and Louis tries to convince that she finally needs to let go of the guilt and move on with her life.

Tragedy strikes that spring.  Gage is struck by a truck on the busy highway near the family’s home, and is killed almost instantly.  The entire family, including Louis, succumbs to a state of shock and grief.  Rachel’s parents blame Louis for Gage’s death, and Louis gets into a fistfight with his father-in-law at Gage’s funeral.  Louis is in so much pain that he is unable to offer much comfort to either his wife or daughter.

Jud speaks to Louis, as he is afraid that Louis is considering burying Gage’s body in the Micmac burial ground, in the hopes of bringing his son back to life.  Jud tells of a young man who was killed in WWII and buried in the burial grounds by his grieving father.  The young man was resurrected, but did not come back as his former self.  The young man’s personality became vicious, and he only wanted to speak of the nasty secrets kept by Jud and a fewer other townspeople.  Jud theorizes that the man was possessed by the spirit of the Wendigo.  The young man is killed again by his father, who also commits suicide.  Jud and the other townspeople who convinced the young man’s father to end the experiment had their lives spared, but Jud feels that coming into contact with the Wendigo has cursed him, and possibly caused the death of Gage Creed and the pain that the Creed family is now suffering.  Louis promises Jud that he will not bury Gage in the burial ground, but the thought never strays far from his mind.

Despite his promise to Jud, Louis decides to carry out his and attempt to bring Gage back to life.  He sends Rachel and Ellie back to Chicago with Rachel’s parents, promising them that he will join them in a few days.  However, both Rachel and Ellie sense that something is not right with Louis, and Ellie begins to have disturbing dreams in regards to the Micmac burial ground, her father and her brother.  The ghost of Victor Pascow also speaks to Ellie in her dreams, telling her that he can warn her of the danger, but that he cannot interfere.  After hearing of her daughter’s dreams, Rachel attempts to call Louis but receives no answer.  This prompts Rachel to call Jud and ask him to check on Louis.

Jud complies with Rachel’s request and checks on Louis.  However, he finds no sign of Louis in the family home, and fears that Louis intends to attempt to resurrect Gage via the Micmac burial ground.  Jud also fears that the curse of the Wendigo is upon him and the Creed family.

Louis steals the corpse of Gage from the graveyard, intending to carry his plan through.  In the meantime, Rachel rushes back to Maine from Chicago, in the hopes of stopping Louis from doing something potentially dangerous.  Rachel speaks to Jud via the telephone, and Jud promises to tell her the whole story the next day.

Louis buries his son in the Micmac burial ground, and returns to his house to wait for Gage, in the hopes of making his family whole again.  Meanwhile, Rachel frantically tries to return to Maine, but it seems as if someone or something is trying to prevent her return.

Jud is awakened early in the morning by a noise in his house.  It turns out that Church the cat and Gage have paid him a visit.  However, Gage is no longer a little boy, and begins to torment Jud with speculations of his wife’s infidelity.  Jud realizes that he has been tricked, but it is too late, and he is murdered by Gage with a scapel.

Rachel is finally able to drive back to Maine, and heads directly to Jud’s house.  She also encounters Gage and Church, and is attacked by Gage.

The next morning, Louis receives a call from his father-in-law with the news that Ellie has been hospitalized due to hysteria. Ellie has also been having prophetic dreams in regards to her family. Louis’ father-in-law tries to persuade Louis and Rachel to come back to Chicago, and Louis promises that they will attempt to return that night.

Louis then finds Church the cat, and kills the animal by giving it a shot of morphine.  Louis then goes to Jud’s house, where he finds the old man’s body.  Louis then discovers the body of Rachel, who has also been murdered by Gage.  Rachel’s corpse also appears to have been cannibalized.  Louis is then attacked by Gage, and is forced to administer him a fatal short of morphine.  After killing his son, Louis then burns down Jud’s house.

After burning down Jud’s house, Louis brings Rachel’s body to the Micmac burial ground.  He is convinced that he waited too long to bury Gage, and that was the reason why Gage turned evil.  Louis has convinced himself that by burying Rachel right away, things will be different, and buries her in the grounds.

That night, Louis is playing solitaire in his house.  His hair has gone completely white.  He hears a voice, and a cold hand falls on his shoulder.  The voice is full of dirt, and simply says, “Darling.”


 

My Thoughts

Let’s get one thing straight:

Pet Sematary is a good book.

And if you are crazy enough to be reading this blog and have gotten this far, you may be thinking:  Well, water is wet.  The sun does set in the west, right?  Why do we need to state the obvious, in other words?  Of course Pet Sematary is a good book…it was written by The Master, right?

Stephen King mit Katze "Clovis", tierischer Held des Films "Schlafwandler". Der Meister des Horrors wird am Sonntag (21.09.1997) 50 Jahre. Mit 50 hat er mehr als 30 Romane veröffentlicht, ein Sachbuch, fünf Geschichtensammlungen und neun Drehbücher. dpa (zu dpa-Korr vom 17.09.1997) nur s/w

Well, there is that.  However, I have talked about this book in an unflattering light at times, so I wanted to set the record straight:  this is a good book.  I may have taken 25 years to re-read this book, but it is an excellent book.

As stated earlier, I was scared into a change of pants the first time I read this book.  And this is still true:  I consider this to be King’s scariest book ever written (more on that in a bit).  However, when I re-read the book at the almost impossibly ancient age of 37 going on 38, my feelings were a bit…mixed…is the best word I can come up with.

If you are a member of the approximately 5,000 Stephen King fan pages that I am member of on social media, you will see Pet Sematary memes on a regular basis (yeah, I need to get out more, I know).  And they are funny.

Church grumpy cat

And joking around is ok.  Really, it is.  A bit of whistling in the dark is ok, especially when you are dealing with serious topics, and Pet Sematary has many of those.  In fact, Pet Sematary is overflowing with…feelsies…

Yes, the book with the “grumpy cat”, Zelda and the creepy guy who reminds us that “dead is better” is also filled with feelsies.  In fact, there are so many that King should have put up a caution sign, so his Constant Readers aren’t liable to trip on them.

For example, we have the story of Zelda (also the subject of more than a few social media memes).  And the subject of quite a few nightmares.

And the scene involving Zelda is scary, it really is.  But it is also tragic.  When I read this book this time around, however, I was more saddened than anything when I read that part.  Obviously, I was saddened for Rachel.  The description of what Rachel witnessed and how it affected her, even into adulthood, was just heartbreaking.  I was also saddened for Rachel’s parents.  Rachel’s parents may not have made the best decisions in handling care for their daughter, who was facing a horrible, painful death without the slightest shred of dignity, but I was still sad for them, as no parent should ever have to face that.  But most of all, I was sad for Zelda herself.  Zelda was not a monster.  She never was.  She was simply a child who received some extraordinarily bad luck in life, and whose life was cut off too soon.  Her illness transformed her into something else entirely:  something in constant pain and unrecognizable to the ones who loved her the most.  She was robbed of her childhood.  When she should have been playing with dolls, running around outside with her sister and doing whatever other things that kids do, she was a prisoner to her pain in a back bedroom, where she lived her last days and served as a living reminder to her family that life is never fair, and is perhaps the most unfair to those whose deserve such unfairness the least.

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We also have the Creed family.  As I have stated before, the only “bad guy” in Pet Sematary is the Wendigo (more on that later).  When I was younger, I do confess to thinking that Louis was not entirely a “good guy.”  I thought that he was weak and played a role in the events that transpired.  However, this re-read has caused me to re-think this, and I no longer believe that Louis was a weak man.

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In fact, I like Louis Creed.  I like his whole family, actually.  The Creed family reminds me a lot of my own family.  I even have brother who is younger by about the same number years as Gage was to Ellie.  Louis also reminds me of my own father:  he wants to keep his family happy and safe, and for his children to have the best life he can give them.

King spends a lot of time letting his reader get to know the Creed family.  I loved reading about the day to day life of the Creed family.  I loved the interaction between Ellie and Gage.  Again, it reminded me of growing up with a younger brother who could be a pest, but I still (secretly) loved to pieces any way, even if he drove me crazy most of the time.  I also loved the relationship between Louis and Rachel.  They took their duties a parents seriously (again, each wanting the best for their kids), but they also had a great partnership.  Louis and Rachel were lovers as well as parents and partners, and their chemistry jumped off the pages.  The description of the day-to-day life of the Creed family may have seemed mundane, but King managed to the turn the mundane into something extraordinary.

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Because King turns the mundane into the extraordinary, the events that transpire are that much more heartbreaking.  I have said it before, and I will say it again:  King has the ability to create monsters, but his greatest strength is writing about everyday life.  Pet Sematary is a great example of this.  King lets us get to know the Creed family and maybe even fall in love with them a little.  Then, tragedy strikes.  The death of Gage splits the family apart, as any death will, especially of one so young.  And King gives us a cutting description of the split.  One of the scenes that struck me in particular was the fight that Louis had with his father-in-law at this son’s funeral, where the fight comes down to fists.  I actually had sympathy for both sides, since I could understand the feelings, especially Louis’, given his shaky relationship with his in-laws.  The fact that the family was fighting, instead of supporting each other, was just so tragic.  However, it was also unfortunately realistic, as people don’t always show their best faces in times of tragedy.

Time to talk about the Wendigo.

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In re-reading this book, I came to a realization of what a big role the Wendigo actually plays in the events that transpire in this story.  And I did not realize what a large role this entity plays in the fate of…well, pretty much everyone is what it boils down to.

As I said before, when I was younger, I blamed Louis for much of what happened.  My though was that he should have known better and been able to fight against the unnatural forces that ended up destroying him and his family.

However, I no longer feel that way.  I believe that Louis was actually just another pawn in a horrific game.  In fact, I believe that everyone was a pawn in that game, even Jud Crandall.

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The Wendigo clearly had its designs on Jud for a long, long time.  And this is not really Jud’s fault, he fought the Wendigo because he was forced to fight it, due to someone else burying a human in those burial grounds.  Jud was also just trying to help his friend Louis teach his daughter some lessons about death.  Jud had no idea just how far out of control events would spiral, when Louis performed an experiment that should not have been performed.  In fact, I believe the Wendigo used the Creed family to get to Jud, as revenge for being defeated all those years ago.

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When reading this book, I was struck by the apparent influence that the Wendigo had over the town of Ludlow.  For example, the driver of the truck which hit and killed Gage stated that he felt compelled to speed for no reason when passing through Ludlow.  I don’t think that this was just a coincidence, rather I think this is just one piece of evidence of how much control the Wendigo really has.  I may even be able to make that same argument in the case of Church the cat, who felt compelled to cross the street for no reason, resulting in his death and Louis finding out about the burial grounds, which was a secret that should have stayed a secret.  Early on, the Wendigo was working its horrible power for its own gain.

I love how King subtly works the the mythology of the Wendigo throughout this book, even right up to the very end of it.  Louis sees the Wendigo as he takes Rachel’s body to the burial grounds, but his co-worker Steve also sees the Wendigo and is touched by its evil.  I also noticed that Steve has noted the run of bad luck of the people around him that year.  This is just not in regards to what happened to the Creed family in recent months, but it also appears that other people around Louis have had a run of bad luck.  Additionally, Steve is nearly pulled into Louis’ madness, but is able to resist it.  Interestingly enough, Steve moves far away from Ludlow shortly after that encounter, and never returns again.

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So is the town of Ludlow, Maine controlled by the entity known as the Wendigo, in much the same way that Derry, Maine is controlled by Pennywise the Clown?  I actually think the answer may be a resounding “yes.”  The citizens of Ludlow are protective, in a way, of the burial grounds and the Wendigo, in much the same way that the citizens of Derry were protective of Pennywise the Clown.  Like Derry, the Wendigo is a part of Ludlow, and anyone who interferes (like Jud and Louis) will be forced to pay in the form of some unpleasant consequences.

Pennywise 11


 

Well, that’s it for the dark journey known as Pet Sematary.  But it is a journey worth taking, as I gained much from this re-read.  Join me next month as we spend a few sleepless nights in Derry.  In other words, we will be reviewing and dissecting the book Insomnia next month.

Tune in next month…same bat time, same bat channel!

batman and robin


Connections

Pet Sematary is set squarely in the middle of the Stephen King universe.  I did not find a of connections, but here are the few that I found:

-Rachel Creed passes by a sign for the town ‘Salem’s Lot and thinks that it is not a nice name for a town.  ‘Salem’s Lot, course, is the setting for the book of the same name, along with two other King short stories, One for the Road and Jerusalem’s Lot, both are which a part of the collection Night Shift.

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-The town of Derry is mentioned a few times. Derry is the setting for several King novels, including It, Insomnia and Bag of Bones.

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-Louis thinks of a medical case where a fetus consumes an un-formed twin.  This is the premise of the novel The Dark Half.

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The X Files Renewal: Episode 3 Recap and Review

To both all who read this blog, I will have you know that I was treated to the best 45 minutes of my life last night…

And no, we are not talking about THAT!  THAT is a worthwhile activity, so maybe what I did last night isn’t quite on a par with THAT, although it is pretty close.  And like THAT actually lasts 45 minutes anyway…

innuendo

Nor am I talking about the activity that followed, which can best be described as fighting off a crackhead (although an adorable crackhead but still a crackhead nonetheless), who seemed intent on dismembering my fingers and leaving scratches on me that actually don’t require a cool explanation…seriously, remind me to call the dog food company and tell them that meth should not be their main ingredient in the dog food and that they need to go back to GMO’s already!

candy bar pie 010

No, I am referring to the x-perience (see what I did there) known as the third episode of The X Files renewal.  In other words, I watched Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster.

And, as stated before, I don’t think I have ever had a more meaningful 45 minutes!

This episode had it all:  monsters, Mulder-isms, hi-jinks and Easter eggs galore.

Did I mention the Easter eggs?  Well, in case you missed it, they were everywhere!

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And if you haven’t watched this treasure, then that must be remedied immediately…don’t make me send an enterprising blue heeler to come attack you for not doing so!

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So, anyway, without further ado, here is my recap and review of Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster.

As always:

Homer spoiler


Synopsis

The episode begins with a couple who are getting high from paint fumes in a forest in Oregon.  Their activities are interrupted when they encounter a giant, lizard-like creature who appears to have attacked someone, and an animal control officer is struggling with the creature himself.  The creature then runs off, and we are shown the body of its presumed victim.

The show switches over to the perspective of Mulder and Scully.  Mulder has become discouraged and feels foolish, as it seems that many of his “monsters” were not actually monsters at all, but rather hoaxes or could be explained away by science.  Scully then enters his office, telling him that there is a case in Oregon that needs their attention.

The agents investigate the forest where the murder occurred.  Mulder is skeptical, and thinks that the murder is not something worth investigating, as he believes the explanation to be a natural one.  Scully tries to bring him out of his depression, and tells him that regardless of what the explanation is, this case needs their attention before someone else is killed.

Mulder and Scully interview a transgender woman at a truck stop later that night, who states she was also attacked by a lizard like creature who wore men’s underwear.  The agents also speak with the animal control officer, who survived the attack in the woods.  The “monster” suddenly re-appears, and Mulder discovers the body of yet another victim.  Mulder chases the creature and attempts to capture proof of its existence on video, but is unsuccessful. Mulder and Scully believe that the creature has hidden in a port-potty, but the creature is not seen in the porta-potty.  Instead, the agents open the door to reveal a man who seems completely normal in appearance.  However, the man also appears to have horns, which disappear into his head.  The man’s name is Guy Mann.

Scully performs an autopsy at the morgue on the latest victim.  Mulder tries to convince her that he has captured evidence of the lizard man on video.  Scully is skeptical, but glad to see that her partner is acting like himself again.

Mulder is awakened by scream in the middle of the night at the hotel he and Scully are staying at.  Mulder speaks to the hotel manager, who confesses that he peeped on Guy Man and witnessed him transform in the lizard creature.  Mulder then speaks to Scully, and discusses several scenarios, all of which are based on supernatural explanations.  However, Scully is again skeptical, although she is once again glad to see that Mulder is acting more like himself.  Mulder also finds a bottle of prescription pills that belonged to Guy Mann.  Mulder speaks to Mann’s psychiatrist, and tracks Mann down to a graveyard.

In the meantime, Scully attempts to speak to Mann at the electronics store where he is employed.  She appears to have been unsuccessful, however, as Mann panics and leaves the store in chaos.

At the graveyard, Mulder finally catches up to Mann, and demands an explanation of why Mann transforms into a lizard creature.  Mann surprises Mulder, and tells him that he has always been a lizard creature, but was bitten by a human, which forces him to transform into a human at night.  Mann tells Mulder of his struggle to fit into society, which covers everything from finding clothes to finding viable employment and even adopting a puppy (Mann becomes quite distressed when he loses the puppy).  Mann laments his curse which forces him to transform into a human, and wishes death for himself.

Scully has realized that the animal control officer is actually the one who is the killer.  She apprehends the man at the animal shelter, and he is arrested and will stand trial for the murders.  Scully also adopts a puppy, which was actually the puppy lost by Mann.

Mulder meets Guy Mann in the forest later that night.  Mann tells him that he is going to hibernate for 10,000 years, and that hopefully he can sleep his curse off.  Mulder is still skeptical, but witnesses Mann transform into the lizard creature before his eyes.  Mann retreats back in to the forest, and Mulder’s belief that he is a part of something greater than himself is restored.


 

My Thoughts

I. AM.  FUCKING.  DYING!!!!

Psycho

Yes, I may have let my 500+ peeps on a certain social media network know that the other as I watched this particular episode…

I am given to hyperbole, but I think this statement was the truth…I am not exaggerating!

Trust me, trying to write up something like this while you still have a case of the giggles is not a job for the faint of heart…so take a moment to congratulate me, ok?

And, oh…where do I start?

First of all, the Lizard Man.  Even the words “Lizard Man” bring up images from movies like this one:

creature from the black lagoon 1

Good stuff, I tell you!  I loved the nod to vintage horror…Chris Carter certainly knows how to pay homage!

And that includes paying homage to…well, himself.

I know, I know.  I am sure that some may think that all of the self-references bring this to mind:

lion licking

But it wasn’t like that.  Not at all.  In fact, finding the Easter eggs became a game of sorts.

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I found quite a few, although I am sure I am slack and missed a few more.

Scully saying that she was immortal.

Clyde Bruckman 1

Scully adopting a dog.  Hopefully, this dog has a longer life than her previous dog.  RIP Queequeg, you are not forgotten.

Qeequeg 1

And let’s not forget the conversation between Mulder and Scully that seems to reference every single previous episode.  And that smirk from Scully…comedic gold right there!

I had to love Mulder’s ringtone as well.  It seems he could at least set up ringtones on his phone.

Mulder and Scully 3

The gravestone too.  I am sure Kim Manners is smiling down from that great UFO in the sky.  Again, gone but not forgotten.

 

THE X-FILES: David Duchovny in the "Mulder & Scully Meet the Were-monster" episode of THE X-FILES airing Monday, Feb. 1 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2016 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Ed Araquel/FOX

 

And even when we are in The X Files universe, it has to hashtag itself,  Well, according to the McDonald’s sign where Mr. Lizard went to satisfy his craving for “meat”, at any rate.

As stated before, this episode was comedic gold.  And in countless ways.

In fact, the episode started with comedic gold.  Two people huffing paint fumes.  From spray paint cans, no less. How could you go wrong with that start?  Well, other than the fact they were using spray paint.  Sheesh, kids today.  Back in my day, we did it right and used gasoline to get that poor man’s high!

Oh, and poor Mulder’s attempts to use his cell phone for something…well you know…useful?  Useful for him at any rate, so that he could capture evidence of his “monster” and maybe create a You Tube channel and get a few subscribers.  Although I can kind of relate to Mulder:  It’s hard enough for me to get a good shot of my animals, let alone close up video of video a creature whose existence would change the face of the animal kingdom as we know it.  Nah, I would be more likely take a picture of my big toe instead.

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I just have to go back to that dialogue between Mulder and Scully in the hotel room, where we are treated to a recap of (seemingly) every other X Files episode.  Oh, the look on Mulder’s face.  Oh, the look on Scully’s face.  Scully says it best when she says nothing at all.

We also had the transvestite hooker who informed Mulder that she was “on the crack.”  ‘Nuff said!

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Luckily, David Duchovny has a fantastic sense of humor, and was not afraid to poke fun at himself a bit.  As an added bonus, we got to see Mulder red underwear.  So much sexier than a lizard man in boxer briefs!

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And speaking of sexy…

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How about that lizard man porno action, huh?  I tried to get #lizardmanporno trending, but I was unsuccessful, alas.  Social media just doesn’t know what’s up sometimes…

Although I could buy this guy getting in some sexy time with Scully much better than I could buy my ex getting the time of day from any living, breathing creature in a skirt.  Even hookers who are “on the crack.”

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Oh, and the lizard man.  I loved Mulder and Scully in this episode, but I think I need to nominate Mr. Lizard for some kind of award.  Do they have a category for best supporting lizard in a cult TV series?  If not, we need one, stat!

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Not only did Mr. Lizard get to make it with Scully (at least in a fantasy sequence, which is way more than almost any man or woman could ever hope for), he helped Mulder out of a major existential crisis.  Again, the chances of that happening are about as likely as…say…the chances of making it with Scully, maybe?

THE X-FILES: David Duchovny and guest star Rhys Darby in the "Mulder & Scully Meet the Were-monster" episode of THE X-FILES airing Monday, Feb. 1 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2016 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Ed Araquel/FOX

 

You see, poor Mulder had been struggling.  Like many of us, he had come to a crossroads, and was wondering what path he should take.  And he had begun to lose faith.  I think we’ve all been there.  Even the most faithful of us have trouble believing at times.  Sometimes, life can feel like you are shoveling shit into the tide, where it all just washed up on shore again, so what’s the point?

THE X-FILES: David Duchovny in the "Mulder & Scully Meet the Were-monster" episode of THE X-FILES airing Monday, Feb. 1 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2016 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Ed Araquel/FOX

But sometimes, light comes from the most unexpected places.  Often, what appears to be the beast can be the most human of us all.

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By offering Mulder that one, tiny glimpse, Mr. Lizard was able to accomplish something that no one else, not even Scully, could: he made Mulder believe again, at least a little.

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Virginia  Mulder was able to believe in Santa Claus  monsters again.  Or maybe not just monsters, but something greater than himself, that he wasn’t sure existed any more.

THE X-FILES: L-R: The Were-monster and David Duchovny in the "Mulder & Scully Meet the Were-monster" episode of THE X-FILES airing Monday, Feb. 1 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2016 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Ed Araquel/FOX

Sometimes, miracles happen on places other than 34th Street.


 

So that’s it for Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster.  Tune in next week for the recap and dissection of the 4th episode of The X Files renewal, Home Again.

Tune in next week…same bat time, same bat channel!

batman and robin

 

A Little Shameless Self Promotion…

So, I have hobbies (shock…a blog?  Who would have thought?)

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But I also do various kinds of artwork.  Surprisingly (or not), much of this artwork is fan art…

And here’s the kicker:  much of this artwork is related to Stephen King and his Dark Tower series!

Roland and David

I know, something related to the Dark Tower on this blog? Such a shock, right?

Anyway, all kidding aside, I am trying to sell some of my work and make a little change on the side.  After all, life is ruff, and dog food is not getting any cheaper…

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So I have opened up an Etsy shop.  And I have sold one item, which has given me the guts to try to sell more items!  Who knows, it could work, right?

Here is the link to my humble little shop…stop by and check out when you have a minute.  I have a few woodburning pieces up for sale now, and there will be more listings to come!  A perfect gift for yourself, or the Dark Tower fanatic in your life!  After all, who doesn’t want one of these creations on display in his/her home?

https://www.etsy.com/shop/Artof19

The link is listed above, so check out it when you can!  Long days and pleasant nights, gunslingers!

Rose

 

Confessions of a Teenage Blue Heeler: Part I

I’m baaacccckkkk!!!

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Bet you guys really missed me, huh?  I’m so cute, how could you not miss me?

Oh, right.  I’m Duncan, the pup at arms, just in case you don’t know who I am.  And you should know who I am, my mom takes a lot of pictures of me for some reason and puts them on some place called Facebook.  Come on Mom, geez, sometimes you really embarrass me (even though I am pretty cute)!

I am almost 10 months old now.  Pretty soon I will be a big boy and turn a year old!  Mom says I am a teenager.  I don’t really know what that is, but maybe that’s why she gets mad at me so much.  She even grounded me from the computer, but I sneak on it when she isn’t around.  Her blog gets boring sometimes.  Who cares about television shows and books?  I am way cuter than any television show or book!

And Mom is just too obsessed with that weird writer guy and Tower thingy…good thing she has me to take away her attention from that, huh?

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But guys, I have to tell you something…

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I’m (gulp) not a good dog sometimes.  Actually, I’m a bad dog.  Like a lot, actually.  I think that’s what Mom means when she calls me a teenager or other things I can’t say (I’m only a puppy after all!)

I like to talk.  I talk a lot.  So what if sometimes I talk when Mom and Dad are watching that black square thing (I think its called a television, maybe?)  Really, I am much cuter and have more important things to say than these guys that Mom likes so much!

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I make Mom so mad sometimes…she just doesn’t get it that I love everything she touches, especially her garden!  Wasn’t it so mean of her to put cages around those plants?  I wanted to play with those plants so badly!

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And I love to help Mom when she cooks.  That’s my favorite thing, actually.  Food is so yummy!  So what if I put my paws on the counter sometimes…why doesn’t Mom want my help in taste-testing her delicious food?  I just want to make sure that everything tastes good for Dad!

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And I like to play with things.  Isn’t everything a toy?  You know, like pieces of poop? And Mom’s blanket?  Pieces of poop and Mom’s blanket together were so fun!  I decorated the floor with pieces of poop and even threw in pieces of blanket!  But Mom didn’t think that was fun…you should have heard some of the words she said…I don’t think they were very nice!

And the floor is a good toy…its so much fun to chew on!  I was pretty proud of myself for finding a new toy, actually.  But Dad wasn’t proud when I showed him yesterday.  In fact, he said I was a BAD DOG.  And that made me very sad, because I think I am a pretty GOOD DOG who likes to have lots of fun!

Husky

 

I try so hard sometimes to be a GOOD DOG.  Mom knows I try too.  In fact, she still lets me be in the kitchen with her when she cooks.  And I think she likes me being in the garden with her.  Maybe she likes the company.  After all, I’m so cute!  Its always good to have someone as cute as me around…I make really good company!

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Well, I gotta go guys…Mom says I have to get off the computer…can you believe she is going to blog about that weird writer guy AGAIN?  Geez, come on Mom, write about cute things (like me!), books are boring!  But don’t worry, I am sure I can sneak back on the computer again when Mom isn’t looking…

TTFN,

Duncan, the pup at arms

duncan

Puppy goes A’Blogging: Introducing Duncan!

Hi, everyone!  My name is Duncan and I am a blue heeler puppy!  Mom is busy…I think she must be reading that Stephen King guy AGAIN…I mean, can you imagine?  She is more obsessed with King and his books than I am over my squeaky toys…how can anything be better than a squeaky toy?  Well, except for blogging…maybe.

Ok, about me.  Like I said before, I am a blue heeler puppy.  I was born on 8/4/14.  So I think that makes me about 4 dog years or so.  Mom and Dad got me from a farm in Cross, SC.  I had lots of brothers and sisters, and it was hard to leave them.  But I think I like my new home.  These people are ok, so I might stay for a while.

Here is me after Mom and Dad brought me home.  I was really scared…I mean, I wouldn’t even walk around on my own or anything!  Mom and Dad were worried about me, but I am doing a lot better now.

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Here I am now.  The people at the vet said I weigh about 23 lbs…can you believe how big I am getting?  But I don’t like the vet…they give me shots…ouch!

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Enough about me (for now, you can never really get enough about me, actually).  I have a dog sister, a dog brother, a cat sister and a cat brother.  Wow!  I don’t know how Mom does it…sometimes she can get pretty overwhelmed with all of us.  But she is awesome the rest of the time.

Here is my big brother Rowdy.  I think he really likes me but thinks I am pretty annoying sometimes.  He plays with me.  But he likes to yell at me.  He yells a lot.

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This is Igloo.  Mom said she is really old and I need to be nice to her.  But I have so much fun playing with her.  I think she does too.  Growling is a happy noise, right?

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Here is my cat sister Harley.  Harley likes to be on Mom’s lap.  A lot.  But too much lap time is unhealthy.  So I try to help Mom out and make Harley get off her lap.  I know Mom would much rather pay attention to me than to pet Harley all the time anyway.

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My cat brother Homer.  Mom says he really likes us, he just shows it in a funny way.  I don’t understand why she gets so excited when Homer sits down next to her.  Silly cats…we dogs lick faces and jump on our Mom and Dad so they know we always love them.

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Mom said I was named after some guy in this cartoon that Dad really likes, called Masters of the Universe.  He was called Man at Arms but his name was really Duncan.  I think Mom and Dad are kind of nerdy.  Especially Mom.  But that’s ok.  Dad seems to really like nerds, so yay for nerds!

man at arms

Oh boy, I think Mom is in the kitchen and she will be cooking!  Just between you and me, she spills a lot when she cooks.  It’s a good thing I am around to help clean up when she does.  I know she likes the floor clean and I keep her feet warm by sitting on them when she is in the kitchen…what would she do without my help?  So gotta cut this short…more from me later!

TTFN,

Duncan, the pup at arms.